The ableist statement that I can't stand the most
TRIGGER WARNING: If you are affected by ableism, this blog post may be triggering. If you need support right now, please seek help from a therapist or other mental health professional. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text "HOME" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 if you live in the USA or text "CONNECT" to the Crisis Text Line at 686868 if you live in Canada. You can also visit my hotline resources page by clicking on this hyperlink: Hotline Resources.
I need to rant about this. I have been meaning to get this thing that needs to be said off of my chest for a long time. I am SO SICK of hearing people say, "You don't look disabled", "You don't look like you have a disability", "You don't look like (name of disability)," or "You look fine to me" to people in the disability community. These statements are very hurtful and rude to say to people with invisible disabilities. Not all disabilities are easily visible just by looking at or observing someone. I have also heard people in the disability community say to people with invisible disabilities, "You don't seem disabled because you are smarter/prettier/more confident than me" or "But you are perfect." It is still ableist to say these statements to people in the disability community even when the person saying it is in the disability community themselves. Statements like these are insulting and wrongly imply that it is impossible for people in the disability community to be smart, attractive, or improve their confidence when there are plenty of smart, attractive people in the disability community and people in the disability community who have improved their confidence. For that matter, statements like these can worsen the self-esteem of people in the disability community. Also NO ONE is perfect, and no one will ever be perfect. It is IMPOSSIBLE to be perfect. Saying, "But you are perfect" to anyone in the disability community dismisses their everyday disability struggles. Being disabled or having a disability or disabilities is not an excuse to treat other people poorly and does not mean that all people in the disability community know everything about disabilities. All because a person's disability symptoms may not be as visible as yours and other people with the same or similar disabilities, they do not experience their challenges exactly the same as you and other people in the disability community, and they have not chosen to open up about being in the disability community (while choosing to open up is another valid choice) does not mean that they are not in the disability community. Every disability journey is different.
Unless you are a psychologist or doctor who did an official diagnostic assessment of the individual, you have no right to say who is and isn't in the disability community.
Social media influencers, motivational speakers, celebrities, teachers, doctors, engineers, successful people, and other people in the disability community face this ableism as well. These statements are very hurtful to both many open and private self-advocates in the disability community. This is especially hurtful when they work so hard on putting speeches, content creating, and other advocacy work together and just got done explaining all of the successes and hardships that they face along their disability journeys. They just got done explaining a bunch of hardships that they go through and have been through as a person in the disability community and how proud they are of how far that they have come after putting all of the time consuming effort into working on themselves and sharing their story and then you have of all the nerve to tell them, "You don't look disabled" or "I don't consider you disabled" and/or continue to say it to them after they have already told you about why this is hurtful to say? Also, the fact that there are people in the disability community who are so sensitive about this ableist statement should be a visible symptom. Even if you have worked on yourself and your symptoms are still more visible than other people, that does not make the disability journeys of people with invisible disabilities and other people in the disability community less valid. Being disabled or having a disability or disabilities doesn’t have one look. Those who seem like they have it all together should not have their struggles dismissed because of how they present themselves, and when some people's struggles are more visible than other people's struggles, this is not being attention-seeking. Again, every disability journey is different. Saying, "You don't look disabled", "You don't look like you have a disability", "You don't look like you have (name of disability)", "You look fine to me", or any similar statements undermines the daily struggles and hardships that people with invisible disabilities have been through and continue to go through. These undermining comments treat and portray the disability journeys of people with invisible disabilities as being less important than or unimportant in comparison to other people in the disability community who struggle more.
I live by the affirmation, "Everybody is going through something that no one knows anything about. So always be kind." Everyone else should live by this same saying. Thank you for joining another one of my EmTalks🫶🏻🧠♿👨🏿🦼🦿🦾🧩♾️🧑🏼🦯🦮🐕🦺❤💙💞✨️
Original post uploaded on my Instagram page on September 30, 2024: Let's talk about the ableist saying, "But you don't look disabled" (Instagram version)
Original post uploaded on my Facebook page on September 30, 2024: Let's talk about the ableist saying, "But you don't look disabled" (Facebook version)
If you are affected by ableism, you are not alone and there is hope. If you or someone you know needs support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text "HOME" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 if you live in the USA or text "CONNECT" to the Crisis Text Line at 686868 if you live in Canada.
You can also visit my hotline resources page by clicking on this hyperlink: Hotline Resources
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