What Help Is and Isn't Explained
[Image Description: The image has a light purple background with my First Former Buddy Club President logo in the bottom left corner. "Help ≠ fixing or curing explained" is in left-aligned dark purple text.]
Help is not the same as fixing or curing people.
Help is not for the weak.
Help is not bad.
True help is support.
Help is providing accessibility. Examples of these accommodations and adaptations:
- Providing ramps, elevators, and clear pathways for wheelchair and medical stroller users
- Hearing aids for the deaf and hard of hearing
- Hear monitors for people with heart conditions
- Feeding tubes for people with medical health conditions
- Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) devices for people who are nonverbal, have limited verbal speech, verbal emerging skills, articulation challenges, and/or difficulty with word finding skills
- Related Services, such as Speech and Language therapy, Occupational Therapy (OT), Physical Therapy (PT), Vision Therapy, Behavioral Health Consultation, and one-on-one nurse
- Visuals and extended time for assignments, tests, and quizzes for neurodiverse individuals
Help is therapy.
Help is teaching people the way that they learn.
Help is when families pull their children out of a school that is jeopardizing their education and well-being and enroll them in a different school that meets their needs (Thanks for saving me years ago, mom and dad).
Help is being quiet when someone is completing an assignment(s), taking a test, or counting money to avoid distracting them, especially if they struggle with paying attention as part of being neurodiverse.
Help is providing developmentally appropriate and realistic goals and opportunities.
Help is standing up for people when they are being mistreated.
Help is being an additional advocate for someone while giving them the opportunity to build and use their self-advocacy skills. Sometimes this support is especially needed for individuals who struggle with knowing what to say and "thinking on their feet" as part of slow processing speed and/or fight-flight-freeze-fawn response as part of their communication skills.
Help is comforting people when they are unhappy.
Help is answering people's questions about things that they are unsure or want more information or clarity about.
Help is teamwork.
Help is calling 911, 988, and other hotlines and helplines.
Help is first responders doing their jobs during emergencies.
Help is letting people know about their legal rights.
Help is working together with someone to clean up their things that they accidentally spilled or dropped. Examples of this include peers, parents, siblings, or coworkers working together to pick up their items and or drink that spilled on the floor.
Help is handing something to somebody when they are unable to reach it on their own.
Help is mentoring.
Help is suggestions. Show respect when people set the boundary of not wanting your suggestions though even if you do not agree with their boundaries or decisions. It is not a suggestion if forced or force is attempted.
Debunking Explained:
Contrary to the popular belief that saying that people in the disability community need help is harmful (which might be mind blowing for some people to find out), there are times when people in the disability community do need help. To reiterate, help is not the same as fixing or curing. Helping people in the disability community can cause them to improve the areas that they struggle with and continue to live quality lives. all of the types of help mentioned above are the ways that people in the disability community can and do receive help while also having independence. There are also plenty of people outside of the disability community who receive these types of help.
However, help looks different for everyone and stereotypes and assumptions about who does and does not need certain types of help should be avoided. This is because assuming who needs help can suggest that people are helpless and prevent them growing their independence. This suggests that people in the disability community's challenges are the only part of them and that all of them are unable to independently live full and meaningful lives. This can also lead to pity instead of respect for their abilities as contributing members of society. Assuming that people do not need help can also cause harm, such as people experiencing unnecessary problems or even danger without proper support. This truth is especially important to recognize since it is not always obvious who needs help, especially when it comes to invisible disabilities and invisible trauma. Some people do not know that they need help for reasons that are not their fault, such as lack of self-awareness, undiagnosed disabilities, or fear of speaking up or not knowing how to speak up. To quote the American poet named Alexandra Elle, "People can be independent and still need help." Exposure to learning how to do things is needed in order to grow independence.
How to React to Help:
While not everything is in anyone's circle of control, everyone does not free will power. Everyone's free will power gives you the choice to seek and accept or decline help before future problems occur or current concerns worsen and negatively impact their lives. A person might think, If I'm not better in one more day, a few days, one week, month, or year, I will get help. However, that day will come, and then, another and another. Find someone you trust and keep an open mind by giving letting them in to support you a chance. You might feel angry at some people when they suggest or require you to get help. Keep in mind that they have your best interest at heart, and you never know for sure unless you try. Help might save or change your life for the better. There are also times when it is ok to calmly decline help. It is okay to ask for and receive help. Help is nothing to be ashamed of.
Overall, help is meeting people's needs, and everyone has different needs. This includes basic needs and people can have similar needs. Help is also not the same as doing things for someone that they are currently capable of doing with guidance, unsolicited advice, insults, or boundary crossing. Modeling is also not doing things for someone, especially if the "I do, we do, you do" strategy is used. Participating in activities with students, such as coloring your own copies of coloring pages, is also not doing it for them. Participating with students is modeling participation and positive behavior. Sometimes people are in denial that they or other people need help as well. Put an end to the stigma against help because it is okay to need help. Help is when people of all differences get what they need to thrive and survive.
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