How 17 Paraprofessionals Prioritize Their Own Mental Health and Self-Care

[Image Description: The graphic is purple with A Para Pro's bright green and black logo and my First Former Buddy Club President logo from top to bottom in the bottom left corner. There is a brown desk with 4 gray legs attached to it. A mint green mug filled with steaming coffee, a pencil, an orange notebook, a pink affirmation card that says "You can do hard things" in left-aligned italicized dark red text on it, a light blue affirmation card that says, "Mistakes are how we learn" in left-aligned italicized dark blue text on it, a lavender affirmation card that says, "Be kind to yourself" on it, and a lime green affirmation card that says, "Every expert started as a beginner" on it are on top of the desk.]

    I worked as a paraeducator, specifically a Personal Care Assistant (PCA), in 4th-6th grade Life Skills Support in Lower Moreland Township School District in Huntingdon Valley, Pennsylvania where I am an alumnus in the 2024-2025 school year. This was a foot in the door (taking an initial, often smaller step to gain entry, access, or an opportunity in a field or organization where success is competitive) after graduating with my dual Bachelor's Degree in Early Childhood and Special Education and obtaining my Pennsylvania teacher certification in Special Education PreK-12 during the previous school year. I was also working towards obtaining my Pennsylvania teacher certification in Early Childhood Education PreK-4 since my degree and both Pennsylvania certifications are legally required in order to be a Special Education Teacher in my state according to the Pennsylvania Code of Professional Practice and Conduct for Educators. I was responsible for providing additional adult support for two sixth grade students in their English Language Arts (ELA), consumer mathematics, and Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) classes and Community Based Instruction (CBI) field trips in the Life Skills Support classroom. I would also provide push-in support in their general education Social Studies, Science and specials classes along with at lunch and recess. Their specials classes included Health/Physical Education, Band, Choir, Art, Science Technology Engineering and Math (STEM), and Library. Additionally, I stayed after school to provide additional adult support at their band, choir, and Drama Club rehearsals and attended some of their show nights and grade level field trips.

    As rewarding as being a paraeducator was, I would also experience healthy stress. Eventually, I even developed compassion fatigue. That was when the metaphorical alarm bell went off that sent me the message that I needed to set a balance between continuing to put my students first at times and starting to listen to my body and mind by taking better care of my mental and physical health. The numerous ways that I began to prioritize my own mental health and self-care included the following:

• Continuing to take my lunch break
• Disconnecting my email from my cell phone during school breaks, long weekends, and when I was sick
• Long scenic drives after work and on the weekends with my dad
• Mindfulness meditation music
• Affirmations
• Crying it out (better than bottling up emotions)
• Channeling my compassion fatigue through content creation and digital journaling

    Zochil "Zee" Eagan who is a paraeducator mentor through her business called A Para Pro shares a mutual perspective about how crucial it is for paraprofessionals to prioritize their mental health and self-care. Zochil states, "I started in a therapeutic day school for students with autism, then worked in a self-contained preschool classroom, and an elementary K-2 LIFE program. I was always a one-to-one para, and my preschool and elementary roles were bilingual one-to-one positions. Honestly, self-care was something I struggled with. Some days I blasted music on the drive home. Other days, I needed complete silence. I would also binge-watch Netflix. During that time, I worked a second job in downtown Chicago as a cocktail waitress, and drinking was part of my life, too. I no longer drink or have Netflix. So, what I do with my downtime looks different today. The hardest part was leaving work at work. I kept thinking about ways to help my student connect, communicate, and show how much they knew. Even after I clocked out, my mind was still working. I can't look back and say I had a consistent self-care routine. I cared deeply about my students, but I struggled to give myself permission to stop thinking about work. That experience is part of why supporting paras and their well-being matters so much to me now."

    Flight attendants instruct passengers to put on their own oxygen masks before assisting any other passengers. This is because if passengers involuntarily pass out from a lack of oxygen, they are unable to help anyone else. Similarly, while this career is rewarding and it is valid to say that "the students come first" at times, it is important for all staff to prioritize their own mental health and self-care. Burnout and mental health crises also known as toxic stress are real risks increasing at an alarming rate among employees working in helping professions. Prioritizing protection of mental health and engaging in self-care prevents these issues in the long run and in order to survive, be there for other people, and be a team player. 

    Paraprofessionals do not get as much representation, visibility, appreciation, and respect as they deserve. I especially have a lot of appreciation and respect for paraprofessionals as a former paraprofessional myself. Zochil and I reached out to a mix of current and former paraprofessionals about how they prioritize their own mental health and self-care. Read what 17 current and former paraprofessionals said in response:

1. "For self-care I like to take time to myself (when I can lol) and either relax with a nice book or go to the gym! I also love to go out with my friends!" - anonymous former Title I Math paraprofessional in Pennsylvania

2. "Prioritizing self-care for me looks like getting enough sleep each night. You can’t show up for the kids if you don’t show up for yourself!" - anonymous substitute Personal Care Assistant (PCA) in Pennsylvania

3. "I know working out and my kickboxing class worked for my mental health. Also seeing friends and being with my pets and getting my nails done and spending time with my kids and husband!" - anonymous former paraprofessional in 4th-6th Grade Intensive Support in Pennsylvania

4. "I come home, shower, and cry. Come out and play with my cats, and then, do it all over again tomorrow." - Lynn, paraprofessional in a 2/3 Therapeutic Learning classroom in Massachusetts

5. "Clock back in at a preschool as an infant teacher. I get off at 6:30, and then, take care of my pup." -Eileen, paraprofessional in an infant classroom

6. "Walking, a bubble bath, & wine." - Christina

7. "Sometimes I go straight to bed." - Wendy

8. "Take out my hearing aids and sit in my car for about 15 mins!!" - Gina

9. "A shopping spree!" - Cheryl

10. "Sleep, video games." - Mandy

11. "Music, fruit fasts, a great movie, getting my hair done✔️, rest of course lol and A LOT OF LEMON BALM tincture oil! 😂😂" - Brandy, paraprofessional in Texas

12. "Currently on disability due to work. I have exhausted sick days to deal with mental health issues that arise from fellow paras, teachers, and admin that are new to Special Ed, but think they've got it handled." - anonymous, para in preschool Intensive Instruction

13. "Silence, no questions, and wine." - Mary

14. "Cranking fav song on the way home, a quiet hour of no kids, responsibility, or housework and a coffee." -Naomi

15. "I really like this topic. Not to sound like a saint, but at the end of the day, it is not about the recognition. It is not about the appreciation, but at the end of the day, paras do a lot and there were times where we didn't feel 100,000 percent equal and at the end of the day, yes, we are not making the lesson plan and we're not calling the shots most likely and we're not dealing with parent emails and things like that, but there was a lot of things that I did behind the scenes that I don't think always got seen in a way, but some of the teachers saw it. One of the things I just personally wanted to do myself was our school started at 7:45am and I would arrive around 6:45-7:00am and that was just my personal preference, and I would be the one to set up the classroom. I would take the chairs down, put up the question of the day, and set up the calendar. I would do that because I don't like rushing in in the morning. I don't like feeling rushed and I like doomscrolling haha I like just taking the time and sometimes watching the sunrise and just having some me time before the seven hours of craziness that I was going to go through, but at the same time, I also just genuinely started doing it because my teacher is a mom and her kids are all in middle school. So, sometimes she would be coming in a few minutes before school started and I would see that she would be the one to start taking down the chairs and be the one filling up the water pitcher or doing stuff, and then, I was like you know what? I'm here. There's no reason why she needs to run in and do all of this stuff when I'm just going to be here anyway and I'm just twenty-four years old. I don't have kids. So, I can get here whenever I want So, that's what I just started doing and no one asked me to do that. Again, I just did that because I wanted to and I don't like the term team player, but I like to think that I was a team player. I was very willing to do a lot of things. I put my own money into the school that I was at. I bought some supplies, which someone even said, 'You should be able to get a receipt. You should be able to get compensated' and I just don't think that I got around to it, but I do feel like that was an example where I showed up a lot as a para where I didn't mean to, but again, at the end of the day, I wanna mention that I did that for myself too. I do not do that thinking, 'Oh, I'm going to get paid more." I literally just did that because I was going to be there already and I just wanted to make life easier, but there is that and again, there is the elephant in the room, which is unfortunate. There is a very big payment gap between paras and teachers, and both are very underpaid positions for what we do. Even though I will not mention the school that I worked at, the teacher that I worked with was amazing. I worked with her and I've taken what she has taught me into what I do at my new job. One of the main things is that she taught me how to be calm in a stressful situation, which is extremely hard for someone with a ton of anxiety. It is so hard to stay calm when things are going insane and awry. I will never forget there was some sort of situation involving a kid and I watched her from afar take care of this situation on the first or third day that I worked there. Right about when I was about to lose it, I look at her and she walks up to the kid, and she just talks it out with them and they figured out what the issue is and solved it. I just thought, "Oh my gosh. I would have escalated that situation. That is so awesome that she was able to calm that child down and get to the root of the problem instead of adding fuel to the fire. That in and of itself is the experience, but at the end of the day, teachers and paras are not paid enough, and teachers do a ton and need to be paid more, but I also am not trying to be bias because I was just a para and never a teacher, but as a para, I did a lot of work and it is just glorified babysitting. You do a lot. You take care of a lot mentally and physically. There is a lot going on. I do think it makes sense that teachers get paid more; however, I don't think that the gap between teachers and paras and what they make should be that far.

    Jokingly, but also so so serious, I can't drink coffee and I also just don't like it. So, I would treat myself to chai lattes very often. It got me out of bed. It put me some sort of routine. Was it good for me financially? Absolutely not, but it was a little extra something that just got me out of bed and got me going. Also, not to mention that I just am not good at eating breakfast. When I am trying to get out the door, I am just not good at a sit-down breakfast, especially since I did chai, maybe I'd get a croissant or a breakfast sandwich, but I would only eat it when I was at school. So, there is something about sitting at home when I need to get out the door. That just amps my anxiety. I am like, 'No, no. I need to be there.' Even in this new job, I've gotten to my destination forty-five minutes. Maybe even an hour before and I'll just be on my phone. Just because that is just how it works for me. I will just eat a muffin in my car. Just taking care of myself sort of in that sense, but also, just remembering that at the end of the day, we are human. Even teachers, parents, paras are super humans as much as we like to think we are because of what we go through each day. We're not superheroes. It's okay to have feelings. We are surrounded by big feelings every day. So, when we are surrounded by a million kids having these big feelings and emotions, it is okay to need to take a moment and step back. The funny thing is that I have considered going back one of these days maybe as a teacher, but that thing that concerns me is that if it is too many kids, I just don't think I can. Again, we had twenty kids with what ended up being two adults in the room. That's way too many kids and some of them had IEPs. Some of them had different barriers here and there. It was just too much. It was way too much, but I just think that decompressing and going home at the end of the day is important. When I would get home, I would just slump on the couch and wouldn't even do anything. I would just be like, 'No. I'm turning my brain to mush. I'm going to watch TV, scroll on my phone, maybe just knit a little. I'm just going to sit.' I also at least tried my best. I didn't want to go to bed at 11:00pm or midnight each night. I'd try to go to bed between 8:00-10:00pm. I would try to be in bed by then. Whether I'd go on my phone or not was kind of dependent. I'd try to make sure that I had a good night sleep and I'm a big scheduler. So, I'd try to make sure that I had a schedule all mapped out in my head of the next day. I would buy myself a little sweet treat in the morning. I would try to remember that I'm human and the kids are human and at the end of the day, I worked with three to four year olds. Yeah, they are going to be moody. They are going to be tired. They are going to have these big emotions. They are in a new school. So, I get it. I'd need to remember, 'Hold on a minute. I'm having a power struggle with a three to four year old right now. I'm feeling these things right now because I'm having these big emotions too and knowing when to take a step back and take a break because it is okay to take a break.

    Like I said, I would get myself a little treat to get myself out of bed and up and going. I'd try to remember that I am human and we are all human and that not every day is going to be a good day. It is just sad to think about it, but it's true. There are going to be days where it is like, 'Oh my gosh. I love this job. These kids are amazing. They had such a great day today. No one fought each other. It was really great.' There are also going to be some days where you just want to pull your hair out and it is just like, 'Oh my gosh. Why can't they just sit? Why can't they just relax? I feel so overstimulated and overwhelmed.' We are working with three and four year olds. Both feelings are going to happen. I also think that one thing that I learned from my career in general that I am not going to be silent about is meeting kids where they are at, which is hard to do when you have twenty students, which is why I don't think these classrooms should be so big, but trying to accommodate as much as we can. For example, if a kid needs a break, they are allowed to go take a break. If a kid, needs a fidget or something instead of sitting in a chair at circle time, that is totally fine as long as they are not being disruptive. I learned that pretty quickly, but in the beginning, I was kind of like, 'No, friend. You do need to come to the rug,' but I do think that it was a very quick lesson where my teacher was like, 'No, they can stay in the chair' and I was like, 'Okay, that's cool with me.' I could chat and chat about this stuff. Childcare is no joke at all. We are not just glorified babysitters. We are not just there. There is so much that goes into it and there are just sometimes where parents and other people just don't get it and I think that can also be very frustrating. There are some people that you chat with, and they just don't get it and there are some who understand it to a degree and there are some who don't. There are some moments with people like this where you are definitely like, "Ah, you've never worked in the classroom before." Thankfully, we didn't get any strange requests from parents, but you've probably seen podcasts and TV shows about parent demands and it some of it is just so so crazy. Overall, I feel very grateful and some really sweet and kind families who do not fully understand what is happening behind the scenes. In general, it was a really awesome experience, and I am glad that I did experience being a para at the time and working with that age group, but it is also okay if this job isn't for you. So, taking that time to take care of myself is important. I am learning that it is okay to take off. That is a very hard lesson for me, and I know that I'm not alone in this, but I think that this is because if I take off from a job, there is a reason why. I am so sick in bed. I am throwing up. I got the flu or I'm physically out of the country. I do not take off a lot. I try not to and even in this new job, I am finally learning, that it is genuinely okay to take off. I feel that there is a lot of guilt that comes from it especially when you work with kids in childcare. There is a lot of guilt when it comes to working in this field not exactly from school, but just in general. I feel guilty when I take off, but learning to take care of myself, treating myself when I can and just being kinder to myself and remembering that I'm human are the ways that I keep trying to keep my head up when I work with kids." - Alana, former PreK paraprofessional, current Registered Behavior Technician (RBT) in Pennsylvania

Related Link:

• Miss Alana's Instagram - @miss_alana2024

16. "Home.... That's all." - Abby

17. "1 word Xanax lol Then, cooking a great meal so during the week they don't ever ask what you eating. Their hungry self be like "Mmm what you eating?".... something with seasoning chileee you don't know much about that lol We can keep this going for days. Hahaha!!!!" -Brandy, paraprofessional in Texas

Are you a current or former paraprofessional as well? If so, what do you do to prioritize your own mental health and self-care? Please share in the comments section below. Your perspective matters🏫🧠💚✨

You can learn more about Zochil "Zee" Eagan and her work as a paraeducator mentor on her website and by following her on social media:

• A Para Pro official website - https://aparapro.systeme.io/bapchecklist
• @aparapro official Instagram: - https://www.instagram.com/aparapro/
• A Para Pro official Facebook page - https://www.facebook.com/aparapro/?ref=PROFILE_EDIT_xav_ig_profile_page_web#
• A Para Pro | Supporting Aspiring & Current Paras Facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/aparaprohub?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio

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