Facing Imposter Syndrome as a Public Speaker with an Invisible Disability

[Image Description: There are red stage curtains hanging on both sides with a dark opening in the center. There is a row of five stage lights with yellow light shining downward. There is a dark gray silhouette of a female center-aligned on the stage and facing left toward a black microphone positioned on a stand.]




CONTENT WARNING: Please know that these instances are not all but only some of my personal experiences as a public speaker with an invisible disability. They do not define my overall experience as a public speaker with an invisible disability. I have also had positive experiences. The objective of this blog post is to advocate about issues that people with invisible disabilities face.


    I have been a public speaker for five years. As a person who stutters, I have a unique relationship with public speaking. When people hear me stutter, it is common for either the following things to happen:

  • Some people do not mention or react to my stutter due to automatic acceptance.
  • Some people do not notice since my stutter is not as frequent or intense as some other people in the stuttering community. This is why I identify with my stutter as an invisible disability.
  • Some people tell me, "Stop stuttering" or "Slow down."
  • Some people say that they "feel sorry/bad" for me even though my stutter is not anything sad or bad nor a burden.
  • Some people assume that I am "nervous", "flustered", "do not know what I am talking about", (or even "lying!").

    Stage fright is common and there are people who stutter when they are nervous. In fact, being nervous and having a stutter can co-exist; however, this is not the case for everyone who stutters because every disability journey is naturally and innately different. It is important to recognize the intersectionality among the disability community as a whole. My stuttering shows up spontaneously and when I stumble on my words when communicating. One of my family members stutters when he is nervous. So, I just need people to patiently let me finish my statements without interruptions, huffing, eye rolling, laughing, or mockery.

    I have experienced bullying as a person who stutters since childhood. When I was a child, there were peers who asked me, "Why do you talk like that?", said "Your stutter is annoying", and even try to "correct the way I talk." In the early years of the green phase of the pandemic, I belonged to an all-inclusive adult social group until the majority of the members turned toxic. They mistreated plenty of individuals in and outside of the group in several different ways. One in particular recurring incident that I will never be able to fully recover from was an autistic member with a stutter named Timothy (pseudonym to protect his identity) constantly being told, "Slow down. I can't understand what you are saying." In fact, a certain somebody often mocked Timothy when he would complain to me about his stutter. Timothy had made what his disabilities are very clear to the majority of the group's members on numerous occasions. Eventually, I stood up for myself to this certain somebody when I found that he betrayed me. The argument built up to the point that I mentioned other ways that he had been disrespectful including mocking Timothy's stutter. I especially made a point to say to this certain somebody that he should have known better to not do such a thing since he is autistic as well. Additionally, I said to this certain somebody and the group organizers that I found this very hurtful as a person who stutters that has experienced the same prejudice. Peers in my childhood said it and so have not all but some colleagues. I also had two administrators who supported me as a person who stutters when I worked at an all-inclusive school age camp in a childcare center.

    I often told, "I can tell that you often get flustered or nervous when speaking because you stutter" by not all but many classmates and professors when I would present lessons in college. This remark infuriated me. It is harmful to make assumptions about people's personal experiences. Constantly jumping to this conclusion is close-minded. They did not know the full details of my experiences as a person who stutters. What they did see were only snapshots of my disability journey. I was laughed at by college classmates who wrote some hurtful things in peer reviews when I presented a lesson during the theory part of the program. I was really nervous any time I presented lessons in classes after this incident. Did I also mention that this college's education program is notable for emphasizing the importance of recognizing the harms of stereotypes and assumptions about diverse groups? 😒

    Life as a person in the disability community has its ups and downs. Some people see their disabilities as something that helps them at times. Disabilities can have many barriers that create problems, but life as a person in the disability community can be managed and is nothing to be ashamed of; usually, however, the feeling of shame does not develop naturally. This feeling develops through exposure to being shamed by other people. Shame teaches people to negatively view parts of who they are with a fixed mindset. This fixed mindset can show us thoughts of "I am bad", "My disability is bad", or "My disabilities are bad." Messages of shame often lead to internalized ableism and traumatization among people in the disability community. No one in the disability community is born with internalized ableism. Internalized ableism is learned and can also be unlearned. My parents never treated my disability as a negative part of me. My parents just wanted me to get the necessary support that I needed.

    People seem to make assumptions about people's differences based on the closest basic details that they can imagine about those things. Yet, there is a difference between stuttering due to being nervous and stuttering involuntarily. Being nervous often creates fear. Bullying someone for stuttering spontaneously, involuntarily, or in general often creates shame. Fear and shame have some similarities. As a matter of fact, shame often creates fear, and fear can lead to shame. This is usually due to other people's judgement and biases. Other people's prejudice teaches people to be ashamed of their differences, and shame needs to be unlearned. It is also important to understand the psychological effects of shaming people for stuttering. Shame makes people smaller, quieter, and puts them into shut down mode. Shame tries to define who people are. Shame tells people that they are bad, not good enough, or that something is "wrong" with them.

    In 2021, I was asked to motivational speak at two events by two separate organizations for the first time. Becoming a motivational speaker was a next level big deal for me at the time. I have always wanted to be a motivational speaker since listening to other guest speakers at assemblies in middle and high school. In addition, I had been actively participating in disability advocacy work for eight years prior to this opportunity at the time. I also had a public online presence as a disability advocate social media influencer for four years at the time. So, this grew my opportunities to support the disability community.

    One thing that I have learned in life is that no matter what anyone does, everyone will always have something to say. This includes compliments, opinions, critiques, unsolicited advice. I have experienced this in several personal situations, professional settings, and through my online presence. As a diverse motivational speaker, I put a lot of effort into what I do to heart. I often think about the topics that I speak and content create about very seriously because it strongly resonates with me. I speak with passion and conviction meaning that I speak with purpose and mean what I am saying. I assertively express and demonstrate strong belief in what I am saying, especially when it comes to my strong sense of social justice. After all the hard work that I put into things, it is extremely hurtful when people overly criticize me.

    After a speech I gave two years ago, an audience member walked up to me and said, "Hi, Emily. I really liked your speech." I said, "Thank you. I really appreciate that." Then, this person went on to say that they had one of the same differences that I have followed by, "But you seem more confident than me. You don't seem like you have problems like I do if you are that successful. I don't believe that you had those challenges and are disabled if you are that confident and successful. That seems impossible." I said, "Not all disabilities and struggles are obvious just by looking at or watching people. I am disabled and I had to put a lot of effort to become this confident and successful." This person replied, "I do put in effort and I'm still not confident." This person reiterated insisting the same disbelief that I could not possibly be disabled and this successful. However, putting in effort towards anything requires more than just saying, "I do put in effort", "I am putting in effort", "I did put in effort", "I do try", "I am trying", "I did try", "I will", or "I know." If someone just says those things, that is just words and not putting in effort. This person also clearly missed important points that I made in my speech since I spoke about what I did to become confident and successful despite my struggles. I had never experienced being nervous at all about guest speaking prior to this moment. This interaction lowered my confidence level about guest speaking for the first time. In fact, it made me question whether I should guest speak ever again due to fear of experiencing something like this again. This was until my parents said, "Emily, your experiences are real and do matter. You would not be asked to guest speak every year if people did not believe you." This is a valid statement since I am asked to guest speak at this event every year. Some people in the disability community need an extra push or more to put in consistent effort to try to do things and presume competence in themselves. While disabilities are permanent, consistent effort and presuming competence in oneself and others is how improvement and success works. 

    Being told this upset me because it was highly offensive that someone would think they know my lived experiences after all that I have been through. "You don't look/seem disabled" is a statement that I have been told since my early teen years that really frustrates me. I constantly encounter different people that say other similar statements, such as:

  • "I don't consider you disabled"
  • "You seem fine to me"
  • "You are too smart/confident/pretty/successful/perfect to be disabled/have problems"
  • "You can't be disabled"
  • I have even been asked, "Are you sure you are disabled/have problems?"

    Being upset about these remarks was not because I saw my disability as something bad. I also am not one to constantly strut around progressively making grand announcements about it. I see my disability as an important part of me that has made me feel a sense of relief ever since its identification. Being told "But you don't look disabled" makes it very difficult for me to connect with people like me. There is an affinity bias among not all but some people with visible disabilities saying this directly to people with invisible disabilities like myself. This issue especially makes forming connections more difficult than necessary. In fact, it took a very long time and lots of effort for me to be who I am now. All of that time consuming effort can still be exhausting at times even though it is worth it.

    Saying, "But you don't look disabled" is not a compliment. It dismisses the fact that every disability journey is different even if the people who say it have no intent to hurt anyone's feelings. It dismisses the reality of intersectionality and the struggles of people with invisible disabilities. It treats the lived experiences of people with invisible disabilities as not real. It treats our lived experiences as unworthy of existence, importance, representation, acceptance, inclusion, and respect. I will speak freely that the affinity bias among people with visible disabilities towards people with invisible disabilities is a bit self-absorbed. It is important to include everyone as much as possible with equity. There is also often a confirmation bias where individuals "tend to seek out, interpret, and recall information in ways that confirm our existing assumptions while discounting or overlooking contradictory evidence" (American Bar Association 2026). To elaborate, confirmation bias "refers to the tendency to favor information that aligns with prior beliefs" (American Bar Association 2026). A common perception as part of confirmation bias is reinforcement of negative stereotypes. This often shows up as individuals falsely confirming their belief that all people with disabilities are incapable; however, they ignore evidence to the contrary. They may use this confirmation bias to armchair diagnose who is and is not disabled.

    I have also sensed resentment among the people who have made this remark directly towards me due to jealousy, which some of them admitted. It seems like they disliked my level of success and confidence. There is also a misconception that I do not experience problems anymore. To reiterate, working hard to remain positive and be who I am often results in fatigue at the end of the day. Some people who listen to successful motivational speakers in the disability community may think, "What are we doing wrong?" They may also think "That is not possible for someone with those disabilities to be able to this or that or be successful at all." Not everyone will live up to the same success and that is ok. Everyone's success story is different just like every person is different whether they are in the disability community or not. It is important to set realistic expectations. Meet individuals where they are at according to their present needs, abilities, challenges, and strengths.

    Sometimes I get concerned that people view me as having imposter syndrome; however, there was a significant message left unaddressed in my speeches, online content, and Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) lessons. When people told me, "But you don't look disabled," explicit education about invisible disabilities was not addressed. I realized I need make sure to always discuss the importance of recognizing invisible disabilities in my speeches, content creating, and SEL lessons. In addition, I am satisfied that I addressed this concern of mine. A necessary weight was lifted. Providing people with invisible disabilities opportunities to connect with people like them and validating their lived experiences provides a safe, inclusive space. Talking about my disability journey without explicitly addressing invisible disabilities was causing me to have internalized ableism, burnout, and compassion fatigue. I felt pressured to show less abilities and not be open in environments where only visible disabilities were validated. Craving a safe space to open up felt impossible. I was constantly masking and the fires seemed never ending. Eventually, I realized that I was not less worthy as a person with invisible disabilities and low support needs. My challenges still matter even after how far I have come. This mindset shift put the fire out. Certain fires continue exist, but as I deal with those, other fires can be put out too.


Related Links:


    Explicitly addressing what invisible disabilities are and their importance in my advocacy work has made me a better advocate and teacher. It also improved my emotional well-being and reduced internalized ableism, burnout, and compassion fatigue. I had never considered imposter syndrome as a motivational speaker with an invisible disability until the pushback from my online and in-person audiences started. Last August when I gave my annual speech at Bucks County Community College Newtown campus' An Autism College Innovation for Educational and Vocational Excellence (AACHIEVE) orientation, I wore a tank top that says "Hidden disabilities are real" to self-express my passion for this social issue.


Related Links:


    I navigate being disabled every day and have good days and bad days. Life is harder work as a person with an invisible disability than I imagined and I am aware that societal stigma is an issue; however, I went from this bias against people with invisible disabilities making me feel emotionally exhausted and insecure to seeing it as an opportunity to advocate for intersectionality, accessibility, and true inclusion. I am still healing from this prejudice. While I have come far, I still have challenges as part of my disability that matter because disabilities are permanent. Plus, there is always room for improvement in all skill areas for everyone. This is especially valid since there are new challenges as everyone grows older due to higher expectations. Some people assume that it is impossible for people in the disability community to work hard, be successful, or do certain things despite limited information about these individuals. Exposure to my parents' acceptance of my disabilities and positive attitude has developed my self-acceptance and positive attitude about being disabled. It has also contributed to making it possible for me to make improvements and achievements and be resilient.

    The following year I could hear quiet laughter among a family followed by something being whispered that I could not hear clearly followed by, "I know" being whispered back. I did not say anything to the family and carried on with my speech without stopping. I am still uncertain for sure what was being laughed about or what "I know" was said as a response to. I frequently wonder if "Wow. This speech is really long" was whispered and that that was why there was laughter. No matter what the reason for laughter was, it is rude to laugh while any public speaker is talking unless there is humor in their speech.

        Last year when I was a motivational speaker at an event for the disability community, I received a triple round of applause. The person who invited me to speak made a collaborative effort with me to announce my recent job promotion. There was clapping when I first stood up from my seat and at the end of my speech. Afterwards, I was receiving so many compliments about my speech from multiple guests, such as:

    • "I really loved your speech."
    • "As a parent, every year I learn something new and helpful from you that I didn't know before."
    • "Your speech was really inspiring."
    • "I feel much better and more excited about my son's future after hearing you speak."

        Then, someone's family member said, "So, do you work here?" I reiterated that I am an alumnus, my new job, and that somebody else and I mentioned this early. This person said, "Oh, that's great. I really liked your speech. That was very looong. You most certainly gave lots of information. If that were me, I would have needed to take a break and drink some water. I was wondering why you didn't do that. I thought 'Does this have an end?'" followed by a laugh. This person went on to say, "Look at all of those notecards you have. That is a lot. It was great though. Thank you for that I guess" followed by a condescending facial expression.

        People who invite me to motivational speak usually provide a speaking time frame and what topics to speak about. So, I follow this expectation, and fifteen minutes is not long. In fact, plenty of guest speakers speak for that long at events in general (I have attended events where public speakers talk for one hour). I also trust that this person who invites me to guest speak every year would very nicely tell me if my speeches were too long. In addition, the point of guest speaking in general especially at an orientation is to provide information. These remarks and laughing at me is very hurtful after all of the preparation that I put into my speeches. It treats its serious topics as unimportant. I also had a total of thirty-six notecards with what I wanted to say written on them. This is an accessibility tool to keep track of what to talk about because I am very forgetful. I also have big handwriting and made abbreviations that I am familiar with to shorten it. "Thank you I guess" is also left-handed and ingenuine. This person's autistic adult grandchild was a new member of the program. So, this person's commentary sent me the message that they do not care about disabilities. Overall, all of these unfiltered comments show a lack of appreciation and respect; however, I did not realize that this person was being rude until it was too late, which was when I got home. In fact, ironically so, their adult grandchild and their father both complimented my speech. The father even asked for the name of my disability advocate influencer page so that he could follow me. He even said, "Wow! That's awesome!" when I explained the name of my influencer page. I sensed potential sarcasm in his voice afterwards.


    Related Links:


        I use idioms with explicit explanations of their meanings in my speeches and content creating. I do this even when I am speaking to a population of autistics/people on the autism spectrum/people with autism. This form of communication is part of the real world. It is a functional life skill to have a little bit of an understanding of figurative language. Choosing not to learn or preventing people from learning this life skill and any other life skills can create unnecessary problems for those people.

        Overall, all of these negative comments are enough to lower someone's confidence level and self-esteem. It can make people feel insecure about their abilities, struggles, experiences, value, and reality. Occasionally before motivational speaking, I have flashbacks of this pushback from my audience along with feeling excitement. I can use these experiences as opportunities to be a better disability advocate.



    You might gain a better understanding about invisible disabilities by reading the following blog posts that I have written:







    Did you enjoy and find this post helpful? If you want to see more content like this and my other content about advocating for the disability community and teaching, please follow me on Instagram and like my Facebook page if you have not already by clicking on the hyperlinks below:




    Give feedback! Questions? Compliments? Suggestions? Let me know in the comments section below and/or email me at ehoffbuddyclub@gmail.com !

    If you repost any of my content to your own page or story, please tag me in the caption and the post and keep my logo visible. Thank you💕










                                    Citations

    1. Implicit Biases & People with Disabilities. American Bar Association (ABA). (2026). https://www.americanbar.org/groups/diversity/disabilityrights/resources/implicit_bias/

    Comments

    Post a Comment

    Popular posts from this blog

    Disability Pride Matters All Year Round

    Image
    [Image Description: The image has a light pink background with my First Former Buddy Club President logo in the bottom left corner. "This year's Disability Pride Month may be over  –– however, disability pride matters all year round." is in left-aligned bright pink text. "Disability pride is not just an opportunity to celebrate during one month per year. It is a mindset, movement, and commitment to showing up for the disability community every day." is also in left-aligned bright pink text below the previously described text. There are 7 diverse hands raised in solidarity. The first hand on the left has a medium dark skin color and is formed into a closed fist with a charcoal black, dark green, light blue, white, light yellow, dark red, charcoal black striped bracelet around its wrist. The second hand has a medium light skin color and is holding up a disability pride flag. The third hand is a prosthetic hand. The fourth hand has a light skin color and is formed ...
    Read more

    Colleges and Universities Refusing to Allow Parent/Guardian Involvement is a FERPA Rights Violation

    Image
    [Image Description:  There are 4 intersected curved concrete sidewalks winding through a college campus with multiple scattered leaves on the pavement. There are 4 green grass areas on both sides of each sidewalk. There are 2 black traditional style streetlamps with ornate tops with one that has a blurred red flag attached to its right side, a black sign with its white text blurred, multiple orange and green autumn trees clustered together, and one big building with a brick structure along with a clear blue sky in the background. ] CONTENT WARNING #1: I would like to mention that I am not a college advisor nor professor, high school guidance counselor, or lawyer. All content posted on my disability advocate/teacher influencer page is for educational purposes only with no intent to provide any professional services. Social media should never be used as a substitute for legal advice. If you have any questions or concerns about college life as a high school or college stud...
    Read more

    The Principles of Growth and Development

    Image
    [Image Description: The image shows a photograph of me as a toddler playing with a toy kitchen set. The toy kitchen is aqua, bright blue, bright pink, and white. There are a white pan and white pot with a pink lid on it on the pink play stove. I am smiling with my baby teeth showing, standing with my back turned away from the kitchen, and head turned facing the right. I am holding a plastic white play pan with a pink lid on it in my right hand with my left hand covering the lid. I am wearing a long sleeve light pink top with a light pink bow center-aligned along the neckline. My curly, dark brown hair was short. ] I would like to mention that I am not a medical doctor, psychologist, or therapist. All content posted on disability advocate/teacher influencer page is for educational purposes with no intent to provide any professional services. Social media should never be used as a substitute for mental nor medical health care advice.  If you suspect that your child is experiencing de...
    Read more