Social Withdrawal is a Common Sign of Anxiety and Depression Often Mistaken as Ignoring
[Image Description: "SOMETIMES I SHUT DOWN FOR DAYS AND DON'T TALK TO ANYONE FOR DAYS. IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL." in center-aligned white letters on black letter board with wooden bordering. The image also has a black and white filter.]
CONTENT WARNING: I would like to mention that I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist and I am sharing this content for educational purposes only. Social media should never be used as a substitute for mental nor medical health care. If you suspect that you or your child are experiencing any mental health concerns, it is okay to get help, and I highly recommend seeking help from a psychologist, psychiatrist, and/or therapist who is qualified to do so.
Not everyone is being rude when they do not answer your texts and calls. This is called social withdrawal and is sometimes part of anxiety and depression. Not all but many people with anxiety and depression do not talk all day every day. It is not always that they do not like you, are mad at you, or ignoring you. They sometimes lack motivation to socialize due to depression or need time to themselves because that is what calms them. They need a lot of it too because that is what helps them. People with anxiety go through a lot of personal struggles including many battles that you do not know about or cannot even imagine. During their time to themselves, they could be doing other positive things suggested by mental health professionals to help them or could be experiencing their dark sides. They may be crying, having a panic attack or meltdown, experiencing intrusive thoughts, or taking lots of deep breathes, listening to music, writing out their feelings, reading books, reading positive affirmations, adult coloring, at therapy appointments, multiple breaks from social media and their phone, staying home, sleeping, taking care of physical health, surfing the internet or social media feed, hobbies, or anything else that helps them. They cannot talk to you in the moment due to their attentional difficulties and difficulty with multi-tasking. They are not using their disability as an excuse when they say this; it is literally impossible for most of them to socialize and self-care at the same time. So, you need to be accommodating and have patience by showing care for this matter and waiting until they contact you again. It is more stress free to focus on one thing at a time.
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They will contact you again if you wait instead of constantly texting them and asking them when they will be available again. It is usually impossible to predict when their self-care will be finished as when one will be calm enough to socialize again for sure is impossible to predict. When you say, "Just talk to me if you want to do something calming. I am your friend. Isn't talking to me calming?" or something that means the same thing as that does not help. While you are a friend and friends help friends, you are most likely not the mental health professionals that they are seeking services from or their family. Mental health professionals are trained to typically know what is best for their clients with anxiety and depression; so, people with anxiety and depression may be trying out the techniques that their therapists, psychiatrists, and/or other mental health professionals that they are seeing suggested to them if they are not answering you. They are focusing on these tasks and just like the rule of no texting in class, while doing homework, or at work, they cannot text you while doing self-care tasks. You need to respect this boundary. They are not available. They sometimes need a break from texting anyone to focus on calming themselves. Continuously constantly texting them asking where they are, why they have not answered, and when they will answer again is not only breaking the boundary of respecting one's availability but disrupts their self-care routine and results in them needing more of it.
Keep in mind that people in the mental health community who experience social withdrawal do enjoy socializing and it is okay to reach to them again because they also experience loneliness at times. Try again the next day or a few days later. It may take a while longer than this to see their face, hear their voice, or texts again, but trust me, it will happen again. Do not give up on them and continue to have faith in them to bring light into their life. Mental health conditions can be invisible too. Lastly and in addition, be mindful that their reason for not answering could also be that they are busy with school, family, other friends, sleeping, at appointments, driving, doing essential tasks for physical self-care, or that they are at work just like others.
If you struggle with anxiety and depression, remember that you are not alone and there is hope. If you or someone you know needs support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text "HOME" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 if you live in the USA or text "CONNECT" to the Crisis Text Line at 686868 if you live in Canada.
You can also visit The Mighty's hotline resources page by clicking on this link: https://themighty.com/suicide-prevention-resources/
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