Self-Care is Not Selfish at All
Originally posted on March 31, 2019 on Facebook Notes on my Facebook page with some small edits
CONTENT WARNING: I would like to mention that I am not a therapist or mental health professional of any kind and am sharing this content for educational purposes only. Social media should never be used as a substitute for mental nor medical health care. If you or any loved ones are experiencing any mental health concerns, it is okay to get help, and I highly recommend seeking help from a therapist and/or other mental health professional who is qualified to do so. In addition, keep in mind that everyone has mental health, and no one experiences their mental health journey the same. Every mental health/healing journey is different, and everyone has different ways that help them. You never know what anyone is going through as everyone has some type of struggles you know nothing about and not all mental health struggles and traumas are experienced the same, visible, or disclosed so always be kind and what may help others may or may not help you. All are welcome here.
Having alone time is so beneficial to mental health and is not selfish at all. Not all but many individuals with disabilities/disabled individuals/differently abled individuals struggle with their mental health as part of their disability, and it is not always a mental illness. Not only can anxiety be part of one's learning differences or be a mental illness; anxiety can co-occur with chronic illnesses and physical disabilities too. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), anxiety is the most common mental health struggle in the United States, affecting forty million adults in the United States ages eighteen and older, or 18.1% of the population every year (https://adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics). Anxiety as part of a disability does not only occur in adults, but in children too. According to ADAA, anxiety affects 25.1% of children with disabilities/disabled children/differently abled children ages thirteen to eighteen years old. Young children can experience anxiety and depression as well; all age groups can experience the possibility of anxiety diagnoses. Some of these individuals in these statistics have a mental illness (mostly anxiety disorders) too.
When you are having a long, stressful, eventful week or day, you should try to take as much time to yourself that you feel you need when available to do so. It does not matter how long this time to yourself goes on for even if it is over a week or month. This does not make you out line, "lazy or a bad friend" in any way. It is up to you to spend your time doing whatever you want and how much time to yourself you want to have is all up to you. Having alone time is all part of self-care and can be a great way to improve anyone's mental health.
Some of the following self-care tips and information about them have been recommended by the World Health Organization (WHO) according to my research. Please read below:
1. Pamper yourself. When you are showering, take the time to make yourself feel pampered by playing some fancy music or any music that you like (I even sing in the shower sometimes LOL), use fancy oils or shower gels, and put scented lotion on afterwards or try some bath bombs and have a bubble bath, which will relax the muscles. I LOVE taking showers in the middle of the day! I never take them at night because I am too tired at night. I love skincare too. I use facial products to take care of my skin to clear the acne. Another thing that I have always loved doing that counts as pampering is wearing jewelry. I wear jewelry every day because I love it so much. Getting your nails polished or polishing your own nails is a great way to pamper yourself too!
2. Make sure you are eating! Many factors contribute to inadequate diets including food insecurity, processed food consumption, micronutrient deficiency resulting in increasing the prevalence of anxiety and depression. Have protein bars or easy-to-eat snacks on hand.
3. Drink water! Lack of inadequate water intake or dehydration is linked to cognitive impairment, mood changes, and even delirium.
4. Drinking hot tea is a great self-care technique too. Studies by conducted by people working in the mental health field have shown that the most beneficial hot tea to drink to help people with anxiety tends to be chamomile tea.
5. Work out too! To quote Elle Woods, "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins can make you happy!". Physical activity is linked to reducing symptoms of depression and stress as well as increasing self-esteem, resilience, concentration, and memory.
6. Self-soothe. Stand in front of a mirror and say to yourself the things that you would want to hear if someone was comforting you.
7. Make yourself a collection of encouraging quotes that you can pull out on a bad day or even a good or neutral day. Hang these positive affirmations up in your bedroom or dorm, make them the screensaver on your phone, post them, look them on Google Images, or follow social media pages that post quotes. If you ever want to, you can even refer to or recommend my quote analyses to anyone that needs motivation!
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8. Escape into another world. Have a collection of books, movies, or TV shows that you can successfully use as an escape for the day or go somewhere that you really love. That is what I even do and this can benefit everyone's mental health! I love watching Lifetime and LMN movies (⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️ for scenes that show violence, stalking, and trauma), the Freeform channel (I highly recommend the Freeform app for watching current and old Freeform shows and movies that is available on the Play Store and Apple Store!), Netflix, and Hulu. Anywhere with the disability community, especially Buddy Club, is my escape. In high school, that is where I used to go to temporarily to get away from the stress of school.
9. Meditate.
10. Listen to music. I have been listening to music every day since tenth grade and it is so calming for me. Whenever I am at home, in the car, in the shower, or even sometimes out in public, I am usually listening to music for most of the day. I listen to music even when I am doing homework (depending on the subject). When I am home alone, I play music on my phone or laptop as soon as I wake up. I blast it for most of the day even when I am plugged in to shut out the world. Have a YouTube playlist of music ready that will soothe you and lift your spirits. Listen to the songs from my music highlight on my Instagram if you want to! You do not even have to have a playlist! You can even just listen to happy, positive, uplifting, and/or relatable songs or songs that you like to give you positive self-esteem. The sad songs can even be helpful especially if they are relatable.
11. Watch encouraging or entertaining videos such as TED Talks, motivational videos, or funny videos on YouTube. Funny videos are my favorite. I highly recommend The Ellen Show, YouTube video "Zach Anner: Top 10 Things That I Wish People Knew About Cerebral Palsy" (PLEASE do not get me wrong when I mention this one. He is seriously so funny with the dark humor that he cracks in this video! LOL), What Did Zoey Say? (from Dan Schneider video), Five Foot One Teacher's YouTube channel, Alex Meyer's YouTube channel, Cam&Fam YouTube channel (Trigger Warning that Camryn's traumas and deceased husband's suicide and addiction are discussed in some videos on this channel), Dr. Phil (Trigger Warning that the majority of videos on Dr. Phil's YouTube channel are episodes from this talk show that contain talks about suicide, addiction, self-harm, abuse, murder, all types of traumas, and graphic descriptions in videos), BoredTeachers, The Kelly Clarkson Show, Psych2Go, Prince Ea, Just Sharon, Cora Shircel, Sara Joy, Matt & Abby, Squirmy & Grubs, and Vanessa Lau.
12. Get good sleep! Adequate sleep can help with emotional regulation and mental resilience. Sleep problems have been linked to psychiatric disorders including depression, anxiety disorders, and ADD/ADHD.
13. Avoid using alcohol or drugs! People with anxiety and depression are at risk for using alcohol and/or drugs to self-medicate to help deal with mental health concerns. This can increase risks of addiction and other mental health problems. If you are drinking alcohol, make sure to only drink it in moderation, and if you are using drugs, use drugs that are medication prescribed by your medical doctor and only use the amount of doses recommended by your doctor.
14. Arts and crafts. Making crafts with my students is my all-time favorite activity to do with them ever. Outside of the classroom, I make bracelets with embroidery string and do adult coloring (discussed more in #19). I started making embroidery string bracelets when I was nine years old after learning the designs at camp and and I loved it so much that it became a hobby that I am really passionate about. There is a YouTube channel called Beyond Bracelets with tutorial videos for really cool bracelet designs.
15. Reading. I LOVE to read! I used to read so much when I was younger and I loved it so much, but as my life became more busier as I got older, I lost the time to be able to do it and realized eventually that I wanted to get back into this hobby again because I really missed it, but did not know what types of books I would like reading for my age group since it had been so many years. I told my mother this and she told me that I should find books about the things that I like even if they were not novels. She said to me, "Maybe you can find books about children", and that is what I ended up doing! I went to Barnes & Noble one day during a just for fun family outing and that is when I found Harvey Karp's The Happiest Baby on the Block and Great Expectations: The Toddler Years: The Essential Guide to Your 1-to-3-Year-Old written by Sandy Jones. It took me a while to get to reading these books due to how busy my life with school was, especially during my first year of college, but I knew that I would get to reading them eventually and in the middle of that was when Wonder came out in theatres; then, I found out that this film is a book too and since I loved the movie so much, my WONDERful parents got me the book for Christmas that year. I loved the book so much so then I got the second book with all of the other characters' perspectives that summer. Reading is so great to do and what my mother suggested is what you have to do when getting into the hobby of reading. Find books about the things you like. I found books about my top favorite interests: disabilities, mental health, and children. I have learned so much about disabilities, mental health, and children from these books. Right now I am reading Notes to Self: A Journal For Self-Care written by Lisa Currie and I love it so much and there so many other books related to these interests of mine that I have plans to read after that.
16. Shopping. I love shopping! The stores that I shop in are Aerie, PINK, Victoria's Secret, Kohl's, Bath and Body Works, Old Navy, Macy's, Ta-Dah! (only available in OCNJ and you can shop online at https://tadah-ocnj.com/), Francesca's, Target, and online shopping on Amazon.
17. Going on the computer. I love going on my laptop! While I am utilizing my laptop, I scroll through social media, surf the internet, or write for my blog.
18. Writing. Keep a journal and write what is on your mind in it. I love to write in general especially for my blog! Writing for my blog is so much fun! I love writing about things from my perspective. To write as a self-care technique, I recommend writing one positive and one negative thing that happened each day. It will get you in the habit of remembering how to improve upon in the areas that you struggle in as part of your disability since remembering what to do instead in those difficult times can be difficult to remember. While those hard times can also be overwhelming, writing down the good things can also be a way to remind yourself of the good in your life. One thing that I have learned from Buddy Club when helping out in the Life Skills Support classroom during social skills lessons is that if you did not do anything eventful over the weekend, the night before, or that day, you can always mention something small such as a meal you ate or just say that you relaxed because those are both positive things. If you are a parent of a child with disabilities/disabled child/differently abled child or a Special Educator, I highly recommend doing this activity with your children and/or students once every day as a way for them to relieve stress no matter how old they are. If doing it every day is too much for them or does not fit in their schedule, that is completely fine so you can just make them do it once a week, once a month, or a few days a week, or whatever schedule works best for them and you. Just make sure to set a consistent schedule on how often they do it to make it a routine! I will definitely do this as a lesson with my students when I become a Life Skills teacher. Good day jars work too. Good day jars work the same exact way except additionally you fold up the notes and put them in a jar altogether and wait to open them all up until the end of the year like a time capsule.
19. Coloring. Any coloring books work, but I highly recommend Coloring Books for Adults for teens and adults. Studies have shown that not only does coloring reduce anxiety, but it also relaxes the mind and muscles.
20. Watch TV. The genres of the shows I watch are mostly watched related to children or diversity. All of the shows that I watch are Born This Way, Outdaughtered, Atypical, The Good Doctor, Speechless, The Little Couple, Little People Big World, Teen Mom, Modern Family. I also enjoy watching the Lifetime channel, the LMN channel, the Freeform channel, Netflix, and Hulu.
21. Surfing the internet is great too. I love doing this one when spending time to myself because I do not have to talk to anyone while doing it. I love talking to people, but sometimes I just do not feel like talking to anyone at all even my family and they did not do anything wrong at all. I am just the type of person who likes to have a lot of time to themselves sometimes and when I am surfing the internet, I just look things up and scroll through my social media and when I am doing that, I do not have to talk to anyone if I do not feel like it so that is why I like it so much.
22. Treat yourself.
23. Volunteering. I LOVE volunteering. It is one of my favorite hobbies. I love volunteering to help the disability/disabled community and children. Anywhere with the disability/disabled community, especially Buddy Club, is my happy place. It is the most stress free place that I have ever been in and where I always feel the happiest in. Volunteering is self-care because it is building your selflessness and can be doing what you love.
24. Doing your hobbies and/or starting new hobbies
25. Puzzles. One day in my freshmen year of high school, I literally just started looking up jigsaw puzzles online and I found one really cool website that I now favor and have loved it ever since. Puzzles are so much fun. The website is called TheJigsawPuzzles.com and here is the link: https://www.thejigsawpuzzles.com/
26. Using fragrances. I love the smell of so many fragrances! My favorite is Victoria's Secret Bombshell (Trigger Warning for purchase: The smell of Victoria's Secret's Bombshell fragrance and many other VS fragrances may cause sensory overload to shoppers with sensory differences.).
27. Sometimes just laying in bed or under a blanket. I definitely recommend the blanket! I have a couple blankets from Kohl's that I have featured on my Instagram story a while ago and they are so soft that it is like laying on a cloud! LOL According to studies, blankets are very helpful for reducing anxiety.
28. Go on a walk. Not only is this exercising and will give you fresh air, but it also releases muscle tension.
29. Make a calm box. You can put anything that you will find calming in it such as a journal, things to squeeze, lotion, fidgets, etc. and use a tool from it whenever you are feeling down.
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30. Breathe. Studies conducted by mental health professionals have shown that this tends to be the most effective self-care technique.
31. Think of something happy or your happy place. Your happy place that you feel happiest in. You can even have more than one happy place. Whenever I am feeling down, I think of babies or Buddy Club since I really love babies and Buddy Club is my happy place. I have observed that the beach tends to be most people's happy place and I could see that because it can be very calming.
32. Mindfulness. I first learned about mindfulness at Buddy Club when I was volunteering in their classroom at the end of the school year after my second year of college. Mindfulness is basically the same thing as meditation. You can play any soothing instrumental music and close your eyes the whole time and it is SO RELAXING! It is so relaxing that one day I almost fell asleep when we were doing it at Buddy Club! LOL😂
Remember that self-care is not just taking care of your physical health. It is spending time to yourself too and spending it however you would like. Sometimes people go out and talk to people multiple days in a row or everyday and sometimes they do not. Everyone should be allowed to spend their time doing whatever they want. People need to understand that people have other priorities too and show understanding of this. Not all but many people with mental health conditions actually spend time to themselves because that is what helps them and people need to be understanding of this. So, if that is what helps during rough times, be accommodating. Put yourself in their shoes. It is a shame that people are not understanding of this and how common of an issue it is for many people insisting that self-care is selfish. If it helps the person utilizing it, then it is NOT selfish at all; the person saying it is selfish is selfish because they need to respect boundaries. To quote what I saw a chronic illness advocacy blogger write in the comments on one of her posts a few years ago, "If they are not willing to respect your needs, then they are not worth the effort"; so just find more supportive people. I hope these self-care techniques help you and comment below any other self-care techniques that you do to help your mental health! 💚
You might also like and gain a better understanding of mental health, self-care, and alone time by reading:
Social Withdrawal is a Common Sign of Anxiety and Depression Often Mistaken as Ignoring
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