How Traumatic Loneliness Can Be Is Not Talked About Enough
[Image Description: "Loneliness can be traumatic and is not talked about enough" in left-aligned Marker Felt font outlined in white. My First Former Buddy Club President logo is in the bottom right corner of the image with "FIRST FORMER BUDDY CLUB PRESIDENT" in center-aligned black Marker Felt font overlapping an enlarged light blue heart with several small red hearts and a lighter blue background in the background of the enlarged heart. The background of the whole image has a light, medium, and dark gray smoky appearance.]
CONTENT WARNING: I would like to mention that I am not a medical doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist and I am sharing this content for educational purposes only. Social media should never be used as a substitute for mental nor medical health care. If you suspect that you or your loved one are experiencing any mental and/or physical health concerns, it is okay to get help, and I highly recommend seeking help from a medical doctor, psychologist, therapist, and/or other professional who is qualified to do so.
TRIGGER WARNING: If you are affected by loneliness, this blog post may be triggering. If you need support right now, please seek help from a psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, other mental health professional, or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text "HOME" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 if you live in the USA or text "CONNECT" to the Crisis Text Line at 686868 if you live in Canada.
Related Links:
- Bullying is One of the Major Causes of Suicide
- How to Talk to Someone with Suicidal Thoughts
- 100 Reasons to Stay Alive
Unfortunately, it occurs too often that not all but many people mistaken other people who are quiet as not wanting to talk. To elaborate more, not all but many people often mistaken quiet people as disinterested, anti-social or stuck up. Contrary to popular belief, however, usually, they are just really shy and/or have a hard time with knowing what to say. In addition, sometimes people who struggle with social-emotional skills as part of their disabilities do know what to say in conversations; due to their social anxiety, however, they may be too nervous to say it. Then, when their social anxiety improves, they may have a hard time with knowing what to say because they forgot all of the options after being so used to not speaking. People with social anxiety can be too nervous to say what they want or need to say in conversations for many different reasons. Sometimes it is fear of the unknown or fear of judgement. While struggling with social skills is already part of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), many people in that disability category who struggle with reading body language often say that their struggle with reading body language is closely linked to their social anxiety. For example, some of them are unsure if the person that they are talking to is judging them or not according to the look on their face. So, sometimes they are too anxious to say some of the things that they want or need to say because of the fear that they will be judged by the other person. Also, sometimes they can know if they are being judged and experiencing that can be (part of) what released their social anxiety.
Sadly, people with invisible disabilities that affect their social-emotional skills often get judged for their social anxiety. Not all but some people do not believe them when they say that they do want to talk and that they are shy and/or have a hard time with knowing what to say. If people insist that the shy people are "anti-social," and then, the shy people explain that they have a hard time with knowing what to say to defend themselves, they will be told that knowing what to say is "so easy." When people tell other people of all abilities that certain skills are "so easy," they need to understand that what is "so easy" for them may not be "so easy" for other people. Saying that "it is so easy" is "so easy" for them to say because not everyone has the same experiences and WE ALL struggle in different areas. So, something may be easy for you, but not for everyone and something that you struggle with (just like the fact that you may have a hard time with understanding other people's social struggles🧐) may be "so easy" for others.
Many people say that spending too much time on technology is one of the common causes of struggles with social skills that result in social isolation. Many people also say that the COVID-19 pandemic caused struggles with social skills. While I have observed that these are definitely contributors to social struggles, there needs to be more acknowledgement that social struggles have existed long before the advancements in technology and COVID-19 pandemic. These concerns are not the only contributors to social struggles. I have observed that many people get approached by other people when they are looking at, typing on, and plugged in for listening to music on their electronic devices while the opposite happens to other people who are and are not doing the exact same thing. Some people just ignore, exclude, talk badly to and about, and bully people in other ways and when it happens repetitively with several different people for a prolonged period, this experience can be very upsetting and cause social anxiety. It can cause fear of not knowing when they will be bullied next and fear of saying the wrong thing after constant judgement leading to social anxiety to social isolation to loneliness. Even if bullying is in the past and it is important to not believe toxic people, bullying can be very traumatic. To quote the American poet named Maya Angelou, "People might forget what you said and what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." In other words, what happened will always stay with people who are traumatized by bullying and most traumatized people are never able to "move on." Instead, they move forward meaning that they do not let what happened control their lives completely while it will always stay with them. People with social anxiety are also capable of making friends, but eventually, they may have to part ways with some friends if they change for the bad. Losing toxic friends and family members can be very lonely even if they are better off without the toxic people. Forced estrangement, especially if wrongly accused of doing something wrong, can be very lonely too. The worst part of loneliness for people with social anxiety who struggle with making and maintaining relationships tends to be that rarely anyone initiates talking to them first or to hang out outside of social circles and they tend to be so shy that they are easily forgotten about. Not all of the time but usually, it may either be them constantly being the person to reach out first to talk to people or most people barely ever initiate reaching out to people with social anxiety to socialize or hang out. Communication is supposed to be a two-way street. It is supposed to reciprocate meaning that both sides taking turns with starting and continuing the socialization. When someone finally does this to people with social anxiety, it is like someone finally shows that they care. When they lose that person, however, that care is gone and that is very lonely if that makes sense. It is also important to keep in mind that not all mental health struggles are visible and not everyone opens up about them if they do not know how and/or fear discrimination. People cannot always tell what someone is going through just by looking at them. My favorite affirmation is: "Everyone is going through a rough battle that you know nothing about. So always be kind." So, therefore, social anxiety IS one of the common causes of social isolation and loneliness. Loneliness often results in increased anxiety, depression, delusions, self-harm, mental and physical health concerns, and suicidal thoughts. It can also result in shortened life spans.
Related Links:
Self-advocates with social anxiety do not openly explain their difficulties with loneliness as a cry for attention. It is meant to educate other people about what it is like to experience loneliness. Loneliness is a commonly misunderstood topic and topic that is not talked about enough. To reiterate, people who say that people with social anxiety are anti-social will comment on how those people do not talk to them and say that "talking is so easy." So, my questions for them are: "Well, have you ever tried initiating any conversations with them to know for sure if they are anti-social?" and "If talking is so easy, why won't you give talking to them a chance?". If you see them not talking to you, take into consideration that people with social anxiety most likely do want to talk and their social anxiety holds them back from doing so as much as they really want to. So, try approaching them first a few times and this could help them to feel more comfortable around you and most likely lower their social anxiety not only with you, but potentially with other people too. Remember that people with social anxiety are just like everyone else in many ways. So, you can talk to them about LITERALLY ALL of the same things that you would talk to anyone else about. You can talk to them about their interests, hobbies, family life, work life, school life, etc. just like you talk to anyone else about. So, the next time that you see that person sitting alone or not talking at school or work, avoid assuming what they may be going through and invite them into conversations and your life instead of mistaking them as not being interested. Reach out to people who are on the quiet side as well. You could be saving a life.
You might also gain a better understanding of loneliness, suicide prevention, and how any types of traumas can affect mental and physical health by reading:
If you are affected by loneliness, remember that you are not alone and there is hope. If you or someone you know needs support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text "HOME" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 if you live in the USA or text "CONNECT" to the Crisis Text Line at 686868 if you live in Canada.
You can also visit The Mighty's suicide prevention resources page by clicking on this link: https://themighty.com/suicide-prevention-resources/.
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