Signs That a Hurting Person Is "Crying for Help" Without Crying or Speaking Up

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CONTENT WARNING #1: I would like to mention that I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist and I am sharing this content for educational purposes only. Social media should never be used as a substitute for mental nor medical health care. If you suspect that you or your loved one are experiencing any mental health concerns it is okay to get help. I highly recommend seeking that help from a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, and/or other mental health professional who is qualified to do so.

CONTENT WARNING #2: It is always important to keep an open mind that the following signs are NOT ALWAYS signs of "crying for help." In addition, they do not reflect everyone's experiences of "crying for help" because no person experiences any situation exactly the same. Commentaries published on my First Former Buddy Club President influencer page represent diverse viewpoints. If you would like to submit a commentary, please contact me for more information. Every person is different, and all experiences and backgrounds are welcome here.

Read this for anyone who you are concerned about right now and even if you are not concerned about anyone. You never know who could be "crying for help" right in front of your eyes without you knowing it. "Crying for help" or being in need of help does not always look like tears, shouting, or speaking up to ask for help. If you recognize any of these signs, reach out to that person no matter who they are (even if you have not talked to them in a while, you are scared to do so, you are mad at them, other people are telling you not to talk to them, or you barely know them). If you see something that worries you, SAY SOMETHING and NEVER ASSUME that it is nothing. Knowing these signs and saying something before it is too late could save lives.

    Behavior is communication. Sometimes people exhibit behavior concerns as a "cry for help" in hopes that they will receive help and be rescued. Not all but many people will often do alternative actions instead of saying that they need help or crying for many reasons. They may want to be heard and seen, but not have the confidence to speak up due to generalized anxiety, social anxiety, lack of motivation, fear of judgement, or a lack of self-advocacy skills due to educational neglect. They may also be afraid to actually cry tears because people invalidated their tears in the past. This is especially common for people from the following populations:

• People who are experiencing or have experienced abuse/neglect
• People whose legal rights are being violated
• People in toxic relationships
• People in toxic friendships
• People with toxic family members
• People who are being or have been bullied
• People who are lonely
• Introverts
• People are suffering from hunger
• People living in poverty or who are homeless
• People with suicidal thoughts
• People with intrusive thoughts
• People who are grieving losses
• People with abandonment issues
• People with incarcerated loved ones
• People who have been grieving a loss of death for a long time (FYI not all traumatic losses are deaths! Traumatic losses can be divorce, breakups with romantic partners or friends, estrangement, job loss, totaled cars, homelessness, amputations, and plenty of other things. Grieving trauma can also last for several months or years.)
• People with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
• People with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) (also known as clinical depression)
• People with Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)
• People with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
• People with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
• People with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)
• People with Bipolar Disorder
• People with schizophrenia
• People with panic disorder
• People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
• People with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
• People with Attention Deficit-Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
• People with Intellectual Disabilities (ID)
• People with Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI)
• People with Eating Disorders (ED)
• People with chronic and/or terminal illnesses (Since people with PTSD or symptoms associated with PTSD are at risk for developing chronic illnesses and/or terminal illnesses and people with chronic and/or terminal illnesses are at risk for anxiety and depression, people with chronic/terminal illnesses are also at risk for doing these actions as a cry for help instead of speaking up.)
• People who come from poor families
• People in the LGBTQ+ communities
• People with small or large families
• Middle siblings
• Children who are an only child

    It is also important to acknowledge that people do not have to be from either of the above populations to show signs that they are crying for help. Since people can cry for help for several different reasons, there are people with what at least appear to be positive lifestyles that struggle on the inside as well and who are too afraid to speak up about their life concerns.

• People who come from middle class families
• People who come from rich/wealthy families
• People with nice clothes
• People with well-kempt hair
• People who always have food
• People who live in nice homes
• People who have high paying salaries
• People with involved positive support systems
• People with what appears to be involved positive support systems
• People with no visible concerns (Unfortunately, sometimes people will show no signs of needing help as well because they internalize it due to their fear of speaking up.)

Related Links:

• What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?
• Let's Talk About Survivor's Guilt
• Trauma's Impact on Mental and Physical Health Can Be Really Scary
• When Trauma Gets Trapped in the Body, Mind, and Spiritual Self
• Bullying Prevention Month 2023: Adult Bullying is Not Talked About Enough and Can Be Just as Traumatic or Sometimes Worse Than Childhood Bullying
• What is Cyberbullying?
• The Importance of Showing Respect for Other People While Advocating for Your Own Respect

    There are many different behavior concerns that people exhibit as cries for help without crying or self-advocating. These alternative actions are the screams of people struggling on the inside. The following signs of people who are crying for help include but are not limited to:

1. The pictures and videos that they post

    Common topics that people will post about on social media as cries for help include but are not limited to:

• Grief
• Losses
• Heartbreak
• Anxiety and depression
• Pain
• Crying
• Suicide
• Loneliness
• Wanting friends
• Toxic people
• Bullying
• Abuse/neglect
• Violence
• Abandonment
• Trauma
• Survival mode
• Other emotional topics

2. The topics that they write, read, and talk about
Same explanation as #1

3. The music that they listen to

    The music that people who are crying for help often listen to are sad songs and/or songs about healing.

4. Plays with their hair and/or jewelry

5. Says "I'm fine."

    It is very important to be careful about taking action when people give this reply. To elaborate more, it is very common that when people respond, "I'm fine" to "Are you okay?" that they are not fine. Sometimes people say that they are "fine" instead of opening up about how they really feel because they are denying their pain in fear of lack of support. They may also fear whether they are speaking up to the right person or not or fear the unknown. However, it is also possible that people truly are fine when they give this reply to this question.

6. Talks about suicidal thoughts
    I want to make it clear that it is really important to NEVER JUDGE OR SHAME anyone for having suicidal thoughts, negative thoughts, or depression. Shaming people for having suicidal thoughts by saying, "Suicide is stupid choice", "Suicide is selfish", "You can't be depressed forever", or any other similar statements is very disrespectful and invalidating.

    Suicidal thoughts are especially something to be concerned about when people already struggle with a mental health condition(s), traumatization, and grief. What you may be able to handle easily emotionally may be more traumatic and painful for other people since every person is different. While it is possible for progress to be made in healing journeys, usually, mental health diagnoses, traumatization, and sometimes grief last forever and survivors cannot "move on." Instead, they can "move forward" meaning that they will not let what happened control their lives completely while it will always stay with them. They will most likely have emotional scars as well.

    Show empathy, sympathy, and comfort for how people are feeling without making excuses, complaining, and laughing at them.

Related Links:

• How to Talk to Someone with Suicidal Thoughts
• Bullying is One of the Leading Causes of Suicide
• 100 Reasons to Stay Alive
• The Importance of Showing Respect Other People While Advocating for Your Own Respect

7. Says that they are "mentally fighting for their life"

8. Says that they are "in a really low mental state"

9. Describes their emotional pain as "unbearable", "This pain is just too real", or "I can't take it anymore" but will not elaborate when asked further questions about their pain

10. Says that they have been "emotionally/spiritually murdered"

11. Talks about or acts on self-harm

12. Addictions or substance abuse

    There are more types of addictions than people realize there are. While all types of addictions should be taken seriously, the most severe addictions tend to be:

• Excessive drinking of alcohol
• Overusing unprescribed or prescribed drugs
• Smoking
• Gambling
• Electronics (Keep in mind that while electronics breaks are important for mental health, there many other ways that electronics benefit people. This is especially true when electronics are used as assistive technologies for people in the disability community, such as listening to mindfulness meditation music on their phones, computers, or iPads to calm themselves or stay focused while studying or typing to take notes instead of handwriting if they struggle with fine motor skills as part of disabilities.)

13. Says, "I don't feel good."

    Not feeling good does not always mean feeling unwell physically. When someone says that they "do not feel good," they may mean that they either do not feel good mentally, physically, or both. In addition, studies have shown that mental health concerns can be linked to physical health concerns, especially in people who are experiencing or have experienced trauma. The worse that a person's mental health concerns or trauma is, the more that they are at risk for physical health concerns. It is also common for people to be more likely to be afraid of expressing their mental health concerns than their physical health concerns. So, whenever anyone expresses their physical health concerns to you, ask further questions that encourage them to open up to you about any possible mental health concerns. Common physical health concerns caused by mental health concerns include but are not limited to the following:

• Physical pain anywhere in the body, especially in the back, neck, wrists, or joints
• Chest tightness
• Headaches
• Heart beating fast
• Constipation
• Feeling faint
• Says, "I have a pit in my stomach"
• Complains about (frequent) stomach aches

14. Says, "I am tired" or yawns a lot

    Whenever ANY STUDENT OF ANY AGE is falling asleep, falls asleep, or yawns in class, avoid judging and shaming them. Avoid the biased assumption that they are bored or being rude. You may not know the full story of what they are going through. They may have stayed up late doing homework and studying that they are swamped with the night before. They could have experienced something traumatic the night before that kept them up late and is making them emotionally exhausted and giving them acute or chronic insomnia that causes them to struggle with falling and/or staying asleep. They may be struggling with fatigue as part of ADHD, PTSD, other anxiety disorders, autism/ASD, or chronic illnesses. They may be experiencing a medical or mental health condition that has not been diagnosed yet or that they are not aware of at least yet.

    To show support, offer them a brain break, drink of water, or sugar boost (if they can eat sugar and if you feel comfortable providing any) instead of shaming them. It is also important to acknowledge that many schools require students to wake up too early for school these days. Waking up at any time earlier than 7:00am can be harmful to middle school, high school, and college students' mental and physical health. In addition, as I always say, everyone is going through something difficult that no one knows anything about. So always be kind.

15. Struggles to get out of bed

    Struggling to get out of bed and do many other things that I am about to list and describe next is usually caused by low energy or motivation.

16. Neglects mental/physical health and self-care routines

    One of the most common ways that not all but many people neglect their mental health is by refusing to go to therapy when encouraged to do so. This is usually due to insecurity, having misinformed biases about therapy, being in denial that they could benefit from it, or low energy or motivation to look into getting services. People may also neglect their mental health by having unhealthy sleep schedules by staying up too late, which impacts mental health as stated in #13 (FYI unhealthy sleep schedules can be caused by other factors as well, such as hairy work schedules or staying up late doing homework that students are swamped with).

    Low energy or motivation can also cause people to neglect their physical health and self-care routines. The most commonly concerning physical health and self-care routines that people tend to neglect due to low energy or motivation include but are not limited to:

• Skin care
• Brushing teeth
• Showering
• Hair care
• Getting dressed

17. Neglects household and daily living tasks

    Low energy or motivation can also cause people to neglect household and daily living skills such as:

• Washing dishes
• Washing clothes
• Cleaning or overcleaning
• Putting belongings away where they belong after usage
• Grocery shopping
• Paying bills
• Lawn mowing

18. Eating less or overeating

    Low energy or motivation as well struggles with self-esteem, anxiety, depression, traumatization, eating disorders, especially anorexia, and/or neglect can cause people to eat less or overeat, also known as stress eating.

    Low energy or motivation and struggles with self-esteem, anxiety, depression, traumatization, and/or neglect can also cause people to have a loss of appetite.

19. Physical appearance concerns

    As a result of neglecting one's own mental and/or physical health or other people being abusive and/or neglectful, people's physical appearances may show signs of cries for help. These signs may include but not be limited to:

• Increased acne
• Unbrushed teeth
• Matted/knotted hair
• Ripped or stained clothes
• Often wears the same clothes
• Low weight or weight gain
• Marks on their body

20. Looks like they have been crying or want to cry or but does not cry

    This cry for help is usually visible through facial expressions, eyes that are filled up, and/or red, puffy eyes.

21. Appears depressed, sad, angry, worried, nervous according to their body language

    This cry for help is usually visible through facial expressions, crossed arms, and/or laying one's head down on a table or desk.

22. Struggles with expressing oneself through their body language and verbally and struggles with identifying other people's emotions according to their body language and other social cues

    Not all but many people who struggle with expressing their selves through their body language may either show many different emotions through their body language and other social cues in atypical manners. Not all but many of them may also show a lack of emotions, especially lack of smiling or awkward smiles.

    This cry for help is common for people who have been emotionally abused/neglected and/or people in the autism/ASD population and other mental health condition populations.

23. Gets upset, angry, confused, stressed, or disappointed easily

    People who exhibit this cry for people often struggle self-regulation skills, difficulty with grounding oneself in the present, All or Nothing Thinking (also known as Black and White Thinking), and problem-solving skills.

24. Lack of self-esteem

25. Negative self-talk

    Negative self-talk can be caused by trust issues and/or mental health conditions that cause negative thoughts to be all that individuals hear in their heads. The following common negative self-talk statements are either said frequently or do not have to be said frequently to be cries for help. A person could be crying for help by saying either of these negative self-talk statements once:

• "I am worthless."
• "I am not good enough."
• "I am stupid."
• "I am crazy."
• "No one cares about me."
• "No one loves me."
• "I am unlovable."
• "I am ugly."
• "I am unappreciated."
• Talks about being a burden to other people

    Negative self-talk questions may also be asked some common negative self-talk questions include but are not limited to:

• "Do you not like me?"
• "Do you still love me?"
• "Are you mad at me?"

26. Struggles with self-love and insecurity

    Besides negative self-talk, sometimes people who struggle with self-love and insecurity tell lies about themselves in hopes that they will seem cooler or more attractive to other people. This is because they want to fit in. They may also overshare personal information or engage in long-winded conversations with people who they barely know or who they are close with in hopes that they care. These signs may develop as a result of other people from their past or present showing or expressing judgement and/or a lack of care for their presence, qualities, and/or what they wanted or needed to say.

27. Envies parts of other people's lives

    They may wish that they had parts of other people's lives that they do not have without taking into consideration that the lives of the people that they envy are not as perfect as they may seem and that no one is perfect.

28. Over-apologizing

    They may apologize for the smallest things such as dropping their own or somebody else's pencil or big things that they already took accountability for. This sign may develop as a result of past judgement, over-criticism, and/or necessary or unnecessary punishments from other people in previous life experiences. What happened may stay with them leading to insecurity and/or fear that a same, similar, or worse consequences will happen again.

29. Frequently second guesses oneself or overthinking

30. Struggles with accepting compliments and other types of affection

    Typically, this sign is caused by bullying and/or a lack of affection at home or in any types of past negative relationships. It can also be a part of other mental health conditions due to the individuals' difficulties with social-emotional skills.

31. Struggles with setting boundaries, especially saying, "no" and standing up for oneself when being disrespected

    Typically, this sign develops as a result of other people not showing any or very little respect for individuals' boundaries. To elaborate more, abusers may have refused take "no" for an answer and not allowed their victims to express their opinions, feelings, and emotions about situations.

32. Constantly worries about worst-case scenarios

    This sign is usually visible in individuals who struggle with predictability, especially if they have PTSD, ASD, ADHD, or other mental health conditions.

33. Fears that they did not have before, more fears, or atypical fears than most people typically have

    New fears or overall fears are usually part of trust issues. Some of the most common fears as part of trust issues include:

• Fear of abandonment
• Fear of codependency or shows increased co-dependency
• Fear of going home, to school, to work, and/or to certain locations
• Fear of participating in certain activities
• Fear of doing certain tasks
• Fear of interacting with or being in the presence of authority figures or certain other people
• Fear of certain objects
• Fear of darkness
• Fear of failure
• Fear of the future
• Fear of judgement
• Fear of disapproval

34. Constantly wants things to be kept as secrets

    This sign is commonly caused by trust issues due to fear of judgement or disapproval if other people find out whatever it is that they want to be kept as secrets.

35. Hypervigilance

    Hypervigilance is commonly developed as a trauma response or in the aftermath of negative events. Usually, hypervigilance looks like frequently being on high alert or hyper focusing.

36. Social anxiety

    Social anxiety tends to show up in many different ways as part of mental health conditions and/or cries for help such as:

• Shyness
• Fear of initiating informal or formal interactions with people
• Fear of participating in activities or going to events where they do or do not know people
• Decreased expression of interest or participation in activities that they once enjoyed
• Claims that they lost interest in activities or topics that they once enjoyed (FYI this may be a canned response that people who are abusing and/or neglecting them told them to say to people if questioned why they do not participate in certain activities anymore. People who are abusive and neglectful sometimes separate their victims from people of all differences and prevent them from participating social opportunities with diverse groups.)
• Rarely leaves their home
• Lack of or no participation in any activities outside of or inside of their homes with family and other potential people
• Difficulty with making and keeping friendships and relationships
• Lack of diverse group of friends (ex: friends of all abilities, races, ethnicities, cultures, etc.)
• Difficulty with connecting with other people
• Lack of truly positive people in their support system
• Frequently spends time in their bedroom

37. Attention-seeking 

    Attention seeking actions are also known as connecting-seeking actions. Attention-seeking actions can show up in many different ways, especially by asking for constant attention and reassurance and/or never pulling away first from hugs.

38. Says, "I am lonely."

    Loneliness is actually more traumatic and depressing than most people think. Believe it or not, people can actually die from a lack of human touch. Loneliness is most common for people who:

• Struggle with social anxiety
• Struggle with making and keeping friendships and relationships
• Have a lack of diverse group of friends
• Have a lack of truly positive people in their support system
• Are experiencing grief from divorce, separation, relationship/friendship breakups, estrangement, death, and/or other losses
• Rarely leave their homes
• Are separated from the outside world due to abuse/neglect
• Have attention-seeking actions

Related Links:

• How Traumatic Loneliness Can Be Is Not Talked About Enough

39. Difficulty with paying attention and memory

    Difficulty with paying attention and memory loss is most commonly visible in people who have ADHD, ASD, anxiety disorders, learning disabilities, or are experiencing or have experienced abuse, neglect, or other types of traumas. Trauma can cause people to struggle with paying attention, working memory (WM), and short-term memory (STM) because the toxic stress shows up as a distraction.

40. Difficulty with communication skills

    Difficulty with communication skills is most commonly present in individuals with ASD, social anxiety, PTSD, and neglected individuals. Individuals from these populations tend to have difficulty with communication skills in many different ways such as but not limited to:

• Difficulty with self-expressing oneself
• Difficulty with saying the most important details when sharing information with other people
• Difficulty with wording statements appropriately and respectfully
• Difficulty with self-advocating
• Difficulty with speaking calmly
• Difficulty with verbal, nonverbal, and written communication

41. Struggles with language development skills

    While there are people who may struggle with language development skills as part of disabilities or their age, having a lack of knowledge or comprehension of a certain level of language for people's ages can be caused by other concerns as well. People who have been neglected may lack language skills due to lack of opportunities to build this developmental skill (More about struggles with developmental skills caused by neglect in #43).

42. Lack of independence or frequently expects that they need to be hyper-independent

    Concerns about individuals' independence skills usually show up as a lack of independence or frequent expectation that they need to use their independence skills more than other people expect them to. Difficulty with building independence skills is a common part of disabilities that affect people's cognitive and motor skills and can be caused by neglect. The independence skills that people may lack that should be concerned about tend to be:

• A lack of ability to read, comprehend, and write words
• A lack of knowing how to take care of oneself
• A lack of self-advocacy skills
• A lack of problem-solving skills
• A lack of self-regulation skills
• A lack of self-control skills
• A lack of planning skills
• A lack of self-care skills
• A lack of daily living skills, such as learning how to handle finances alone and how to safely drive alone
• A lack of self-help skills

Related Link:

• The Importance of Showing Respect for Other People While Advocating for Your Own Respect

43. Lack or loss of overall developmental skills

    While struggles with developmental skills are part of all types of disabilities, it is important to recognize and take seriously that this developmental concern is also commonly caused by neglect. Individuals who have been neglected tend to struggle with paying attention, memory, social-emotional skills, language skills, and independence skills due to a lack of opportunities to build and improve in these developmental areas and work on themselves. It is important to NEVER ASSUME that all because people in the disability community struggle with certain skills that they cannot learn how to do certain tasks from you as the parent/guardian, caregiver, educator, or anyone involved in their support system. Preventing them from trying to participate in these opportunities and share their opinions, feelings, and emotions about situations is discrimination, neglect, and illegal. Give them multiple chances to try before giving up on them and treat them with the same respect as everyone else. Giving up on them too quickly can be extremely harmful to their mental health.

44. Reduced academic and/or workplace performance

    If I could offer some advice through my own experience with grief, it would be this: Instead of telling your hurting loved one, "Let me know if you need anything" or asking "What do you need?," send them a message, call them up, and/or approach them with specific offers. So many well-intentioned people told me to let them know if I needed anything from them, but I rarely did. When I bombed a quiz the day after a rough night, I did not call anybody. When I was being exposed to toxic people, I continued to go to school and work, teach, and give presentations. When my family was sitting in the family room watching TV for hours while I stayed in my bedroom, I did not call anybody. When I got sick as I was still recovering from toxic stress after removing toxic people from my life and losing someone who was still alive (and who I realized many months later was also toxic), I continued to go to work because that's life. I also got very sick with strep throat during this recovery while the toxic stress also impacted my physical health in other ways. I did not tell anyone about this additional stuff when I was out sick and afterwards for the longest time. I did not want to burden anybody and usually did not know what I needed off the top of my head when put on the spot.

    People who are grieving may be relieved when they get a message or call from you or you approach them saying something, such as:

• "Wanna video chat?"
• "My family/(Names) and I are going out to dinner. Can you join us/me?" with a ride to and/or from offered even if it is at night time
• "Send your child over to play."
• "I am at Giant. What do you need/want me to bring you?"
• If you bring them food or something
• If you come to their house to visit as a surprise or with them knowing ahead of time
• They may also need a hug and/or someone to talk to about what they are through and/or as a positive distraction.

    When people are able to think of ways to help others who are grieving any heartbreaking losses instead of putting that burden on them, it can be huge. Offer specific help instead of making hurting people always ask for it. (FYI this is not meant to invalidate asking for help because it is absolutely okay to ask for help. Asking for help is also not selfish as long as you are doing things to try to help yourself as much as possible. My whole point of this is that people should not always have to ask for help to receive help. People should initiate providing help as well.)

You might also gain a better understanding of supporting people with mental health struggles and Trauma-Informed Care and Education by reading:

• Intro to the New Church Doctrines Journal #6
• Bullying Prevention Month 2023: Bullying Prevention Stimulation Activities for People of All Ages
• Bullying Prevention Month 2023: Adult Bullying is Not Talked About Enough and Can Be Just as Traumatic or Sometimes Worse Than Childhood Bullying
• Lack of Empathy is a Huge Issue in the Education Field
• What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)?
• How to Talk to Someone with Suicidal Thoughts
• 100 Reasons to Stay Alive
• Trauma-Informed Practices for Supporting Children with Incarcerated Parents
• The Importance of Showing Respect for Other People While Advocating for Your Own Respect

If you are affected by suicide or suicidal thoughts, you are not alone and there is hope. If you or someone you know needs support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text "HOME" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 if you live in the USA or text "CONNECT" to the Crisis Text Line at 686868 if you live in Canada.

You can also visit The Mighty's suicide prevention resources page by clicking on this link: https://themighty.com/suicide-prevention-resources/

 

In addition, keep in mind that experienced, witnessed, or suspected abuse can be reported if it is physical, sexual, emotional, and/or psychological and experienced, witnessed, or suspected neglect can be reported if it is emotional, educational, physical, medical, supervisory, or environmental. People who are abusive or neglectful can also be anyone and tend to be someone that victims know, such as but not limited to a family member, educator, service provider, friend, or intimate partner. You can reach out to the following resources below to report cases and to find out your and survivors' legal rights:

• Child Line - call 0800 1111 (for reporting child abuse/neglect) or chat with a ChildLine counselor
• Call the National Adult Protective Services Association (NAPSA) at (202)-370-6292 (for reporting abuse/neglect of adult children in the disability community or senior citizens) 
• Workplace Bullying - United States Department of Labor or United States Department of Justice Civil Rights Division
• You can also call 911 if your and/or anyone's life is in danger.

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