How and Why to Build Relationships in School
Brain research studies have been showing that creating a positive emotional climate and building relationships in schools has many benefits, including helping the learning process. When these relationships are built, it creates healthy attachments between the educators, students, and their families. Healthy attachments build a safe environment, releases the hormone called oxytocin, which is an experience of attunement and trust strong enough to this hormone. Students who feel safe and supported are more likely to perform better academically. Positive classroom environments can also increase students' confidence about academic subject areas, improve communication between educators and students, and make asking questions and sharing concerns easier. To quote an eighth-grade student named Cassidy from Edutopia's video titled The Power of Relationships in Schools, "If I'm comfortable around them, then I'm more confident around them and it's easier to ask questions and things like that" (Edutopia 2019). This increased confidence can reduce potential social anxiety that not all but many students have too. It is important for all teachers and administrators to build relationships with students and their families. When educators build relationships with students and their families, it shows that the educators care about the students and their families. It shows that they have their best interests in mind and are being welcoming. There are several different ways that educators can build healthy relationships with their students and families. I have listed my 16 favorite relationship builder methods below:
1. Be welcoming
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Send welcoming emails, newsletters, and/or messages on a class communication system (e.g. TadPoles, Remind App, Seesaw) to families and students at the beginning of the school year. Introduce yourself (Include your name, gender pronouns, educational background, work experience, teacher philosophies), provide resources that will be used in class, and lesson topics that the children will be learning that school year.
While Back to School Night (if your school or childcare center hosts them) is always an awesome way to get know families better in-person, start building these relationships before then to start creating "those connections and learning about your students and their families" at the very beginning of the school year (Poth 2023). Typically, at Back to School Night, families get to "follow their child's class schedule and get to meet the teachers and see their classrooms their child visits during the day" (Poth 2023). At Back to School Night, include an "About the Teacher" slide in your slideshow or give "About the Teacher" handouts to each family.
If you teach at a school, you can post your background information on your teacher page. If you teach in a childcare center, you can hang an "About the Teacher" biography on the bulletin board outside of your classroom. If you are an administrator in a childcare center, you can create a bulletin board in the entrance area of the childcare center that includes teacher biographies as well.
Related Links:
2. Get to know your students and their families
Through getting to know your students and their families, you can make connections with them and gain an understanding of why they do certain things and think the way that they think. Making connections with students and their families validates their presence in schools. Gain an understanding of who your students are and their values as people and the functions of their behaviors. Find out about their interests in and outside of school. Learn about each student's and family's specific concerns, preferences, and needs at the beginning of the school year. This can be done by sending out a survey about 1-2 weeks before the start of the school year or on the first day of the school. You can also give developmentally-appropriate surveys like these to students in elementary school and up to fill out on the first day of school. Giving students these surveys can also help them to build their communication skills, especially when it comes to self-advocating.
Related Links:
- What is Collaboration in Education and Why Is It Important?
- How I Helped My Young Toddler Class and Their Families Feel Safe at Childcare While in a Pandemic
- Trauma-Informed Care and Education Practices in Infant Classrooms
- Trauma-Informed Practices for Supporting Children with Incarcerated Parents
- How to Introduce Yourself to Students on the First Day of School
3. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE let families be involved in their child's school life!
"Students need to have consistent support both in and out of the classroom, and the best way to achieve this is by establishing relationships between the school community and families and students that we support" (Poth 2023). While teaching students how to self-advocate is extremely important to build their independence skills, teachers of all age groups and subject areas should let families be involved in advocating for their child as additional support. This is especially important for when it comes to working with families as a team in order to collaborate. Collaboration is especially needed when there are academic, developmental, health, and safety concerns about students and if they have Special Educational needs since there are an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) or Individualized Family Service Plans (IFSP) teams for these students. Relationship building is important in Collaborative Consultation situations because no one team member has the same level of expertise to serve all student needs. Everyone should be inclusive of all team members' contributions and thoughts. It is also always great to hear multiple perspectives from all team members. Involved families are with their child the most and they may know things about their child and make observations about them that educators have not. The same goes for the other way around when it comes to families listening to educators' shared observations and perspectives too. All team members can share this information with each other. Communication between students and their families should be consistent throughout the whole school year instead of just in the classroom and at drop-off and pick-up times, Back to School Night, IEP/IFSP meetings, and parent-teacher conferences. Communicating with families about their child's education and school life can help educators to "gain more insight into how they can better meet a student's specific needs" (Poth 2023). When parents are actively involved in their child's school life, "they gain valuable insights into their child's interests, strengths, and areas in need of further support" (Poth 2023).
While family involvement is super important to help students to academically and functionally succeed, "scheduling conflicts" with family's work, school, etc. can "limit parental involvement and lack of access to information needed to support students" (Poth 2023). To elaborate more, financial difficulties and adjusting to a new school are both stressors that may affect parents/guardians' time and involvement in their children's school life. Parents/guardians may not have a car due to financial difficulties and not live close enough to the school to walk there to meet with teachers and administrators. They may also not have anyone else who can provide them with transportation or be able to afford Uber or Lyft services to travel to the school; the school bus may be the only way that their child may get to and from school as a result of this. Parents of low socio-economic status (SES) may feel insecure about coming in-person to their child's school for parental involvement. In addition, the distance between the locations of parents/guardians' workplaces and their children's schools may limit their involvement due to the interest of time with picking them up from school and arriving home. The drive may be too far and parents/guardians may not be able to switch their jobs, especially if they need the money to survive and support their family.
As a result of these barriers, educators and administrators can encourage alternative solutions for parent involvement. If they have no car or access to other forms of transportation, family-teacher/administrator meetings can occur through communication by phone, Zoom, or other video chat communication systems. They can also communicate by email. Educators can also come to the student's home to spend time with their family members to discuss the student's school life and overall life.
Related Links:
- What is Collaboration in Education and Why Is It Important?
- Observation Reflection-Value of Observation Techniques
- How I Helped My Young Toddler Class and Their Families Feel Safe at Childcare While in a Pandemic
- Trauma-Informed Care and Education Practices in Infant Classrooms
- Trauma-Informed Practices for Supporting Children with Incarcerated Parents
4. Phone calls home and emails about positive updates
Everyone knows about the common (and sometimes needed) phone calls home about negative incidents and rough days at school that students with challenging behaviors tend to experience as a consequence. However, educators can make students and their families feel welcomed in their schools by making phone calls home about positive updates in the child's education, development, and overall school life as well. They can send emails about these positive updates as well. I also make sure to compliment any positive observations that I have noticed about the families even if they are as small as the child being well-groomed, prepared, and well-behaved.
5. Morning greetings
Morning greetings help to connect with the students by acknowledging their presence and bonding with them. During morning greetings, teachers can stand outside of the classroom door and should have a smile on their face and express enthusiasm when they greet their students. They should greet students by name and can greet them in creative styles by waving, giving high fives, hugs (with consent), and/or coming up with special handshakes. They can have formal and informal conversations with them by telling them about what they will be learning that day and asking them how their weekends and nights were. They can ask them what they did over the weekend, how they slept, and what they ate for dinner.
6. Morning meetings
Morning meetings can occur as a whole group at circle time or at their desks every morning after all of the students arrive to the classroom and get settled in. Typically, I like to open morning meetings with mental health check-ins with each student. Students can share how they are feeling and why they are feeling that way if they want to. The high school students in the Life Skills Support classroom that I participated in Buddy Club in when I was in high school there used the Zones of Regulation to share how they were feeling. They are still using the Zones of Regulation during their morning meetings while I am doing my Field Experience in Special Education internship in in their classroom. They always opened their morning meetings using the Zones of Regulation for mental health check-ins. My mentor teacher, the paraprofessionals, and I share our feelings with the students too (More about the importance of doing this in #15). It is important for teachers to encourage students to share how they are feeling and why they are feeling that way without forcing them. This is a commonly used Trauma-Informed Care and Education practice. If students decline to share the reasoning behind any negative feelings, teachers can still validate their feelings by reassuring them that "it is okay not to be okay" and reassuring them that they can always talk one-on-one to any trusted adults and peers that they feel comfortable opening up to for support.
Teachers can also provide reminders, have generalized discussions about any concerns, and do mini icebreakers with students during morning meetings to build relationships with them. This can also build a sense of community and belonging in the classrooms. Morning meetings are a great time to discuss any upcoming exciting school, grade, and class events and special occasions too.
7. Weekly class discussions about different topics
Talking with students about events happening in the community and world are another great topic to discuss at morning meetings. These discussions can "build care and respect" among students, their peers, educators, and other people whom they may encounter in life (Edutopia 2019). It is very important to have these discussions in classrooms because it teaches students about awareness, acceptance, and inclusion of people of all differences. As a teacher, I take this very seriously and these lessons are not taught about enough in classrooms.
Related Links:
- Bullying Prevention Stimulation Activities for People of All Ages
- The Importance of Showing Respect for Other People While Advocating for Your Own Respect
- Quality of Influential Content and Friends Over Quantity of Followers and Friends
- Multiple Intelligences Theory
- Diversity in Education
- Discrimination Against Students in the Disability Community
- Bullying is One of the Leading Causes of Suicide
- What is Cyberbullying?
- How to Talk to Someone with Suicidal Thoughts
- Signs That a Hurting Person is "Crying for Help" Without Crying or Speaking Up
- How Traumatic Loneliness Can Be Is Not Talked About Enough
- Trauma's Impact on Mental and Physical Health Can Be Really Scary
- There Needs to be More Discussions About Awareness, Prevention, and Healing from Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
- Let's Talk About Adapted Sports
8. Class conversations about families
Another way that educators can build relationships with families is by having whole group conversations about families. The benefits of including students with family hardships in class conversations about families are building student/family-to-teacher relationships and learning more about their families. This is especially important when families have limited involvement for any reasons.
Related Links:
9. Show empathy
Educators and administrators need to show empathy for their students and their families when it comes to other concerns and any diverse hardships that they may be facing as well. Unfortunately, educators and administrators having a lack of empathy for their students and their families is a very common issue in the education field. Empathy is especially needed when it comes to students with mental health conditions and as a Trauma-Informed Care and Education practice. Keep in mind that students do not always open up about their mental health struggles and exposure to trauma to their teachers and even their families nor friends. Involved family members are sometimes afraid of opening up about these hardships too. Sometimes this is because they are afraid of judgement, not being believed, or that no one who they report their concerns will take any action to help them due to trust issues along with the fear that they will get someone in trouble (as a fawn response) or get in trouble themselves even if they did nothing wrong. When educators and administrators show empathy for students and their families, it shows them that people care about them even if it just one person.
Related Links:
- Lack of Empathy for Students is a Huge Issue in the Education Field
- Diversity in Education
- Discrimination Against Students in the Disability Community
- Trauma-Informed Care and Education Practices in Infant Classrooms
- Trauma-Informed Practices for Supporting Children with Incarcerated Parents
- There Needs to be More Discussions About Awareness, Prevention, and Healing from Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
- How I Helped My Young Toddler Class and Their Families Feel Safe at Childcare While in a Pandemic
- Bullying Prevention Stimulation Activities for People of All Ages
- Bullying is One of the Leading Causes of Suicide
- What is Cyberbullying?
- The Importance of Showing Respect for Other People While Advocating for Your Own Respect
- Quality of Influential Content and Friends Over Quantity of Followers and Friends
- How Traumatic Loneliness Can Be Is Not Talked About Enough
10. Genuine usage of Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) strategies
All SEL strategies can effectively build relationships among teachers and students and even students and their peers when used genuinely and correctly. SEL strategies are trauma-informed and support students' mental health, especially when they are taught that it is okay to make mistakes, taught to have a growth mindset, and provided with brain breaks. My high school students in Life Skills Support receive brain breaks as a whole group after each class period. My professors for all of my classes about teaching at BAC also provide my classmates and I with ten minute brain breaks in the middle of each class, which I have always found to be very generous! Adults of all abilities can benefit from brain breaks too! All educators and administrators should also take the zero-tolerance policy for bullying seriously and attempt to do something about it when bullying does occur. Bullying can be traumatic for many students and cause emotional scars, suicidal thoughts, and other mental and physical health concerns. When there are consequences about bullying in any settings even if it is as small as bullies receiving lectures, victims are more likely to heal more easily than when these situations are neglected. When educators and administrators take the zero-tolerance policy for bullying seriously, it shows the students and their families that they care.
Providing days where students can have class outside can also be fun and helpful since exposure to nature and the outdoors can benefit mental health. In addition, give students days in class where they are provided with breaks from lessons or more time to complete any schoolwork and/or study can also be beneficial to reduce stress. Some teachers even host Fun Fridays in their classroom where students get to participate in fun team-building activities, games, watching movies, and/or other fun activities every Friday or the first or last Friday of every month. Class rewards that are earned through tally marks, sticker charts, or marble jars can also be used to support students' mental health. My high school students in Life Skills Support receive one or two tallies next to their names on the white board as positive reinforcement whenever they have positive experiences in any class periods, at work that morning, self-advocate, and experience any other successes. They can receive up to forty-five tallies and whenever they receive ten or more tallies, they can either "cash out" or "save up." When they cash out, they are awarded an extra brain break for the amount of minutes that their tallies match. So, for example, if a student receives fifteen tallies, they set a timer for their break to be fifteen minutes. Some ideas for whole group class rewards include but are not limited to class parties, pajama days, homework passes, all-inclusive treats, movie days, board and card game days, and/or special gifts from the teachers. So, you may be wondering, "How do these fun activities build relationships in schools?". They serve as positive distractions and other types of brain breaks for students and can relieve their stress about school. When teachers make their classrooms fun and provide students with exposure to any of these activities and breaks, it shows that they want them to have fun in their classrooms and care about relieving any of their stressors about school.
Related Links:
- Bullying Prevention Stimulation Activities for People of All Ages
- Bullying is One of the Leading Causes of Suicide
- What is Cyberbullying?
- How to Talk to Someone with Suicidal Thoughts
- Signs That a Hurting Person is "Crying for Help" Without Crying or Speaking Up
- How Traumatic Loneliness Can Be Is Not Talked About Enough
- Trauma's Impact on Mental and Physical Health Can Be Really Scary
- Discrimination Against Students in the Disability Community
- Multiple Intelligences Theory
- Diversity in Education
- Trauma-Informed Care and Education Practices in Infant Classrooms
- Trauma-Informed Practices for Supporting Children with Incarcerated Parents
- There Needs to be More Discussions About Awareness, Prevention, and Healing from Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
- The Importance of Showing Respect for Other People While Advocating for Your Own Respect
- Quality of Influential Content and Friends Over Quantity of Followers and Friends
- Lack of Empathy for Students is a Huge Issue in the Education Field
- How to Introduce Yourself to Students on the First Day of School
11. Be honest
Being honest with students and their families helps them to gain your trust and shows that you care about them. Another reason why honesty is so important is because then the communicator does not have to hold anything back and some educators do not do that. Not all but some people do not want to tell nor hear the bad stuff when sometimes it needs to be discussed and heard. It is important to be honest with families about bad stuff for health and safety purposes and in order to try to find possible solutions. When educators are honest towards students and their families this also promotes trust in their relationship with each other. Honesty is one of the key ethical behaviors that all educators should exhibit.
Related Links:
12. Humor
It is important for teachers to have laughs with their students and
students to laugh together in order to build relationships. Humor in the
classroom also incorporates students’ interests, can increase engagement and
motivation to participate and come to school, and can make the classroom feel
like a safe space. Many passionate educators know that sometimes they and their students just have to stop and be silly for a few minutes. We definitely need to have a little fun in classrooms!
13. Enthusiasm
When students are exposed to teachers who show enthusiasm about school life and lesson topics, this can convince students that their teacher enjoys teaching and learning about these topics. This can also increase the students' interests and engagement in lessons and build connections.
14. School, grade, class, and extracurricular activities and events
Most schools and childcare centers host school/center, grade, and extracurricular activities and events that students and their families can attend. Some common school/center, grade, and extracurricular activities and events that are hosted include but are not limited to field trips, open house events, and student grade-level or subject area showcase events "where students are highlighting their work" (Poth 2023).
15. Acknowledging any mistakes and feelings that you experience in front of students
Students connect most with their teachers when they see that they are a human too. They
see that teachers are similar to them by also having struggles, challenges, feelings, and imperfections. This is why I share my feelings with my students during mental health check-ins. This connection technique can help students to relate their struggles to others, which can relieve them that they are not alone in what they go through. When teachers acknowledge their imperfections in front of students, it also models a growth mindset, and teachers are supposed to set positive examples in order to be role models for students.
16. Requiring and modeling respect at all times
Encouraging (without forcing) opportunities for students to build relationships with you and each other. The main expectation should be for students to be required to respect you and each other and not requiring them to be friends even though friendships should be highly encouraged.
Related Links:
I hope that all of these strategies for how to build relationships with students and their families along with the reasons why they are so important that I provided are helpful. Make sure that families know that you are there to support their children as your students. Building relationships with students and their families truly does build a sense of belonging and community and can result in long-lasting relationships. I still keep in touch with most of my former students' families! Building relationships with students and their families also provides them with reassurance that there are teachers who truly care about them. If you are a teacher, paraprofessional, or administrator, let me know in the comments section below if you use any of these strategies and/or any other strategies to build relationships with your students.
If you are an educator and you are interested in learning more about building relationships with students and their families, I highly recommend reading the following books below:
- Home, School, and Community Collaboration: Culturally Responsive Family Engagement: Third Edition written by Kathy B. Grant and Julie A. Ray
- Collaborative Teaming: Teachers' Guide to Inclusive Practices: Practical tips on working together to help all kids succeed! written by Margaret E. Kings-Sears, Rachel Janney, and Martha E. Snell
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Citations
1. Bernardez, K. (1 Aug. 2019). Meet the Teacher Handout & Tips for Success (+ FREEBIE). https://www.theaverageteacher.com/meet-the-teacher-handout-tips-freebie/
2. Poth, R. D. (7 Aug. 2023). Fostering the Home-to-School Relationships. https://www.edutopia.org/article/teacher-parent-communication-can-help-support-students/
3. (14 Jan. 2019). The Power of Relationships in Schools. https://www.edutopia.org/video/power-relationships-schools?utm_source=Edutopia+Newsletter&utm_campaign=33bb795eca-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_072419_enews_drivingdep&utm_medium=email&utm_term+0_f72e8c8c4-33bb795eca-79254771
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